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Can Opener Day, ghostnapping, encrypt your DNA
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Published Thursday, August 24, 2017 @ 6:46 PM EDT
Aug 24 2017

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Today is Thursday, August 24, the 236th day of 2017 in the Gregorian calendar, with 129 days remaining.

This is the 217th day of Donald Trump's presidency. There are 1,245 days remaining in his term, assuming he doesn't resign, is otherwise removed from office, or his unhinged, psychotic behavior results in the destruction of the republic.

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What happened on August 24 from  On This Day

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Among other things, today is also Can Opener Day.

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Smell of Florida boy's backpack leads to grow house, police say.

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Theodore Parker (August 24, 1810 - May 10, 1860) was an American Transcendentalist and reforming minister of the Unitarian church. A reformer and abolitionist, his words and quotations which he popularized would later inspire speeches by Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King,

Quote of the day:

"I do not pretend to understand the moral universe. The arc is a long one. My eye reaches but little ways. I cannot calculate the curve and complete the figure by experience of sight. I can divine it by conscience. And from what I see I am sure it bends toward justice."
-Theodore Parker
More Theodore Parker quotes

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Several reasons we're late and light today, including an internet outage. Xfinity: it may have been on your calendar- it isn't "scheduled" unless it's on mine. The next web edition of KGB Report will be published on Monday... but we're 24/7 on KGB Report's Facebook page.

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Google's US search results will let people check if they're depressed.

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British pub claims its ghost was stolen, demands Chinese artist return it. Lu Pingyuan said the ghost agreed to be captured for an art exhibition.

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To protect genetic privacy, encrypt your DNA.

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