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(Today is also the birthday of Mother Jones)
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A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the
world.
-Louis Pasteur
A cocktail is to a glass of wine as rape is to love.
-Paul Claudel
A diplomat's life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and
alcohol.
-Adlai E. Stevenson II
A man who lies about beer makes enemies.
-Stephen King
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
-Charles
Baudelaire
Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually
low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.
-Kurt
Vonnegut, Jr.
Alcohol is a very necessary article... it enables Parliament to do
things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the
morning.
-George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate,
the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
-Unattributed
Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.
-@BillMurray
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
-George
Bernard Shaw
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank
Sinatra
Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The
surest poison is time.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to
play.
-Joyce Rebeta-Burditt
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
-Dylan
Thomas
Beer commercials are so patriotic: 'Made the American Way.' What does
that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling
sluggish and urinating frequently?
-Scott Blakeman
Beer is not a good cocktail party drink, especially in a home where you
don't know where the bathroom is.
-Billy Carter
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.
-Jack Nicholson
Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never
stop hoping otherwise.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap
dancer- you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.
-Robin
Williams
For a bad hangover, take the juice of two quarts of whiskey.
-Eddie
Condon
Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish;
let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no
more.
-Proverbs 31:6-7 NIV
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
-Kaiser
Wilhelm
I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
-Robert
Downey, Jr.
I am more afraid of King Alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy.
-Thomas
J. ('Stonewall') Jackson
I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had
nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.
-Paula
Poundstone
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but
they've always worked for me.
-Hunter S. Thompson
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with
age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.
-Unattributed
I went to alcohol rehab in wine country, just to keep my options open.
-Robin
Williams
I work until beer o'clock.
-Stephen King
I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for
a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.
-David Sedaris
I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and
wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.
-Raymond Chandler
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my
birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
-@BillMurray
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the
market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
-Dick
Gregory
It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about
satisfying women.
-Scott Adams
Just as natural selection weeds out the weak and infirm making a
stronger herd, so does alcohol improve your brain's capabilities by
destroying the weaker cells.
-Unattributed
Life is too short to drink the house wine.
-Helen Thomas
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large
quantities.
-Lord Dunsany
Many a person has been saved from summer alcoholism, not to mention
hypertoxicity, by Dostoyevsky.
-Roy Blount, Jr.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job
to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
something you'd like to have dinner with.
-Unattributed
Men like beer and something naked.
-Jeff Foxworthy
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
-Arnold
Schwarzenegger
Most vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with
their children. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if
you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussels sprouts never
do.
-P.J. O'Rourke
My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper,
tobacco, food, and a little whiskey.
-William Faulkner
Never refuse wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone
who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.
-P.J. O'Rourke
Old wine and an old friend are good provisions.
-George Herbert
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-Alex Levine
Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other
drug with special horror.
-William S. Burroughs
People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.
-Sign at Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer
to cry into.
-Don Marquis
Quickly bring me a beaker of wine
So that I may wet my brain and say
something clever.
-Aristophanes
Sanity is an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency.
-N.F. Simpson
Sometimes the Bible in the hand of one man is worse than a whiskey
bottle in the hand of (another)... There are just some kind of men who-
who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learned to
live in this one.
-Harper Lee
Son, if you can't take their money, drink their whiskey, screw their
women, and then vote against 'em, you don't deserve to be here.
-U.S.
Senator Sam Rayburn
Sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath and a glass of wine.
-St.
Thomas Aquinas
The Americans are a funny lot; they drink whiskey to keep them warm;
then they put some ice in it to keep it cool; they put some sugar in it
to make it sweet; and then they put a slice of lemon in it to make it
sour. Then they say 'here's to you' and drink it themselves.
-B.N.
Chakravaty
The best brewer sometimes makes bad beer.
-German Proverb
The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose
you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.
-Kingsley
Amis
The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
-Norman
Brenner
There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far
the more certain.
-Baron de Rothschild
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as
good as others.
-Raymond Chandler
They say God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the
world.
-Kinky Friedman
They who drink beer will think beer.
-Washington Irving
Three most deleterious things of modern life in their present order of
importance are: tobacco, alcohol and intemperate eating. Both alcohol
and tobacco are taboo in plants.
-Henry Ford
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
-(From
the TV series The Simpsons)
Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.
-Friedrich
Wilhelm Nietzsche
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
-Eduardo
Galeano
What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set,
ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of
Shiraz into urine?
-Isak Dinesen
When wine drinkers tell me they taste notes of cherries, tobacco and
rose petals, usually all I can detect is a whole lot of jackass.
-Joel
Stein
White wine is like electricity. Red wine looks and tastes like a
liquified beefsteak.
-James Joyce
Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.
-Ovid
Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy.
-Henry
Fielding
Wine is sunlight held together by water.
-Galileo
Wine maketh merry; but money answereth all things.
-Ecclesiastes
10:19
With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you will. But be drunken.
-Eugene
O'Neill
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer.
-Frank Zappa
You can't find the answers on the bottom of a whiskey glass, but if you
look hard enough you'll forget the questions.
-George Patterson
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