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Photo of the day
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Published Wednesday, August 31, 2011 @ 6:14 AM EDT
Aug 31 2011

Baltimore House, Pleasant Hills, PA


Categories: Photo of the day, WTF?


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Quotes of the day
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Published Tuesday, August 30, 2011 @ 7:58 PM EDT
Aug 30 2011

Molly Ivins,((August 30, 1944 - January 31, 2007)

Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant- it tends to get worse.

Goverment is a tool, like a hammer. You can use a hammer to build with or you can use a hammer to destroy.

It's hard to argue against cynics- they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side.

It's hard to convince people that your're killing them for their own good.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion.

The trouble with global communications is that it is no longer possible to sit on one tiny patch of the earth and think, "God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world." We always know better.

The next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be President of the United States, please, pay attention.


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Rewriting history
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Published Monday, August 29, 2011 @ 8:28 AM EDT
Aug 29 2011

[Texas] students will learn about the contributions of Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority. Maybe the students will read Falwell's claim that feminists and homosexuals were partially responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Phyllis Schlafly, the Heritage Foundation and the NRA are all included. Students will also be required to "discuss the meaning of 'In God We Trust.'"

History in Texas classrooms will be decidedly different from when we were students. I never learned "both the positive and negative impacts of... country and western music" in my high school history class. Where would you rate Estée Lauder in terms of historical importance to our country? If you think she is one of the 68 most important historical figures, you agree with the board. Yes, the board included her in the state curriculum, but not George Washington.

I also never learned that the findings of the House Committee on Un-American Activities were confirmed, perhaps because it is not true. It puts teachers in an awkward position by asking them to teach something that is historically inaccurate. I will not have to deal with that issue in some of my classes because my Advanced Placement U.S. History classes are not required to follow the state curriculum. I am guessing that the Texas Education Agency realizes that students could never pass national exams while learning the state-mandated curriculum.

(Full article here)

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
-George Carlin


Categories: George Carlin, History, Music


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Happy birthday
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Published Sunday, August 28, 2011 @ 10:26 AM EDT
Aug 28 2011

Amanda Tapping ("Stargate," "Sanctuary") is 46 today.

(You Tube video: Outtake from "Stargate SG-1," in which Ms. Tapping loses it with Richard Dean Anderson.)


Categories: Video, YouTube


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Sometimes nature is nice...
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Published Saturday, August 27, 2011 @ 4:51 PM EDT
Aug 27 2011

Granddaughter Leanna fishes the lake in Laurel Hill State Park, near Somerset, PA.


Categories: KGB Family, Photo of the day


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Jim Cantore is in NYC. NYC is doomed.
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Published Friday, August 26, 2011 @ 9:22 AM EDT
Aug 26 2011

(YouTube video: Thousands flee as Cantore arrives in advance of Hurricane Irene.)


Categories: YouTube


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Quotes of the day
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Published Thursday, August 25, 2011 @ 7:11 AM EDT
Aug 25 2011

Truman Capote (September 30, 1924 - August 25, 1984):

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.

Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the yard and shot it.

It's a scientific fact that for every year you live in California, you lose two points off your I.Q. It's redundant to die in L.A.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

Life is difficult enough without Meryl Streep movies.

The better the actor the more stupid he is.

Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.


Categories: Quotes of the day


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East coast earthquake aftermath
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Published Wednesday, August 24, 2011 @ 6:27 AM EDT
Aug 24 2011


Widespread property rearrangement.


Is it over?


Eyewitness Action Breaking NewsTeam footage of official response.


Categories: Photo of the day, Video, WTF?, YouTube


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Happy birthday
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Published Tuesday, August 23, 2011 @ 7:22 AM EDT
Aug 23 2011

Misty is 12 today. She's the elegant, Lauren Bacall-ish member of our Sheltie pack. Time for a belly rub and a piece of toast...


Categories: Animals, Dogs, KGB Family


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Facebook status of the day
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Published Monday, August 22, 2011 @ 6:57 AM EDT
Aug 22 2011

The first Facebook status I actually felt wasn't too insipid to repost:

PLEASE!!!
Copy and paste this into your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the damn face. People who need a punch in the damn face affect the lives of many. There's still no known cure for people who need a punch in the damn face, except a punch in the damn face. 93% of people won't re-post this. Why? Because they probably need a punch in the damn face. It's National Punch in the Damn Face Week this week...


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Last words
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Published Sunday, August 21, 2011 @ 4:16 PM EDT
Aug 21 2011

Whoopi Goldberg, Jerry Stiller, Anne Meara, Ben and Amy Stiller, Lewis Lapham, Kevin Smith, Dylan Brody, Kelly Carlin, Tony Hendra, Patrick Carlin, Floyd Abrams, and Louis C.K. eulogize Geoege Carlin at a New York Public Library event celebrating the release of his autobiography, "Last Words."

It's well worth the hour and 44 minutes of your time. There's an accurate transcript also available here.

"Sliding headfirst down a vagina with no clothes on and landing in the freshly shaven crotch of a screaming woman did not seem to be part of God’s plan for me, at least not at first."
-George Carlin, "Last Words"


Categories: George Carlin, Video


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Political jokes of the week
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Published Saturday, August 20, 2011 @ 12:22 AM EDT
Aug 20 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

President Obama is on a bus tour to talk about jobs, and it turns out the bus was made in Canada. If he were a real American that bus would have been made in China. USA! USA!
-Conan O'Brien

Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people interested in his house.
-Conan O'Brien

Michele Bachmann said that when she is president, gas prices will come down to less than $2 a gallon. When asked how she'll make that happen, she said she'll hunt down the CEO of Exxon and stare at him.
-Conan O'Brien

A new survey has Rick Perry ahead of Mitt Romney by 11 points, and Michele Bachmann is five points behind him. I think it's going to come down to who wears the most flag pins.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Perry is an attractive candidate for many conservatives, because he wants smaller government, to cut national spending, and he knows how to fire a grenade launcher. He's like the Sarah Palin of politics.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Rick Perry was once a Democrat. Just once, in college. He was experimenting.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump may be running for president, and why not? He's got that everyman quality that we can all relate to.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Rick Perry is now the front runner. Of course they're letting him run in front. Because he's the one with the gun.
-Stephen Colbert

There is no coordination between Colbert Super PAC and the Perry campaign; that would be wrong and illegal. They are as separate as church and state under a Perry Administration.
-Stephen Colbert

It's never enough for the media. They're like children: 'Mom, can I get a Paul Ryan?' 'I just got you a Rick Perry! And you already broke your Michele Bachmann. And before I get you anything else, where the f**k is your Ron Paul?'
-Jon Stewart

Mitt Romney said he was in Iowa when he was actually in New Hampshire. He explained, 'I accidentally mixed up my sea of white people.'
-Conan O'Brien

The White House sent Vice President Joe Biden to China today. So now we owe them a trillion dollars AND an apology.
-Conan O'Brien

Newt Gingrich, who came in eighth place in the Iowa Straw Poll, said he's 'not dead yet.' Then he was invited on 'Dancing With the Stars,' and he said, 'OK, now I'm dead.'
-Conan O'Brien

A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.
-Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama is touring the country in a bus, because nothing inspires hope in the economy like the president riding in a bus.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Republican front-runner Mitt Romney is mocking Obama's bus caravan, calling it The Magical Misery Tour, which is sort of funny coming from the President of the Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hair Club for Men.
-Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama's new slogan is: 'I Thought We Could, but It Turns Out the Other Guys Are Assholes.'
-Jon Stewart

Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Poll. She said she hasn't been this excited since she won last year's 'Who's Crazier Than Sarah Palin' contest.'
-Conan O'Brien

Tim Pawlenty announced that he's dropping out of the race for president. Pawlenty said he wants to spend more time with his family because even they don't know who he is.
-Conan O'Brien

Canada imposed a ban on trade with North Korea. No more hockey highlight DVDs for Kim Jong Il.
-Conan O'Brien

The NYPD created a new unit that will use social media sites to catch criminals. Criminal caught on Facebook and Twitter will be arrested, while criminals caught on MySpace will be told about Facebook.
-Conan O'Brien

Michelle Bachmann paid $30 each for 6,000 voting tickets in Iowa and got 4,800 votes, so 1,200 people stole her $30. It's funny that someone who doesn't believe in government handouts paid 6,000 people to vote for her.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for president, saying he wants to spend more time lacking charisma with his family.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Now that Pawlenty is out, the big question is whether Bachmann or Perry will get his supporter.
-Stephen Colbert

In Iowa in her tent Michele Bachmann had Randy Travis and a petting zoo. Of course you were only allowed to pet animals of the opposite sex.
-Stephen Colbert

Michele Bachmann's victory in the straw poll may have had something to do with her helping her supporters pay for their $30 voting ticket- by paying for their voting ticket. Bachmann paid $180,000 to hand out 6,000 tickets, and she got 4,800 votes. She got a commanding 80% of the votes she paid for. I think this proves she can win if she can get 50 million voters into a field, fill them with barbecue and let their children pet Randy Travis.
-Stephen Colbert

He's not George Bush on steroids. Rick Perry is what happens if Lex Luther distilled down George Bush essence in a laboratory and crossed it with gun powder and semen from the finest thoroughbred in Lubbock, and then strapped that concoction onto a nuclear missile and shot it into the f*cking sun! And then, waited, waited, waited, until one day, on the anniversarry of the Alamo, a solar flare, yada yada yada, Rick Perry!
-Jon Stewart

If all of Jon Huntsman's supporters met at the Ames, Iowa Quiznos, the fire marshal would say, 'yeah, that's fine, there are some more seats in the back.'
-Jon Stewart

Michele Bachmann was asked if she was a submissive wife. She said no, but her husband is.
-Jay Leno

President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation.
-Jay Leno

The Republicans had their big debate in Iowa. You know who the winner was? Anyone that didn't watch.
-Jay Leno

Newt Gingrich made a surprise announcement. He's still in the race.
-Jay Leno

It's the 76th anniversary of Social Security. I mention it because there's no guarantee that there will be a 77th.
-Jay Leno

General Mills is releasing new lip balms that taste like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms. Or as Joe Biden put it: 'Nice. They should make one for Lucky Nuts.'
-Jay Leno

A new survey revealed that being an IT guy is the most hated job in the country. Or as President Obama put it, 'Wanna bet?'
-Jimmy Fallon

The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to 'Burger, please. Hungry.'
-Jimmy Fallon

Some political analysts are saying that President Obama is making many of the same mistakes that President Bush made. Obama said, 'That's ridiculous, and if you'll excuse me, 'Spongebob' is on.'
-Conan O'Brien

Nancy Pelosi has named the final members of the committee charged with reducing the debt. Unfortunately, the committee includes MC Hammer, Willie Nelson, and Nicholas Cage.
-Conan O'Brien

President Obama took campaign workers out for burgers yesterday and left a 35 percent tip. Man, that guy is so generous with China's money.
-Jimmy Fallon

After all the rioting in London this week, officials are worried that it could mean security problems for the Olympics next year. On the bright side, the guy running with the torch will just blend right in.
-Jimmy Fallon

During a call with investors, Rupert Murdoch said that News Corp made $2.7 billion last year. Murdoch said if investors had any questions, they should contact him by leaving a message on their own voicemails.
-Jimmy Fallon

Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are both Mormon. One of these guys could be our next president. The other one is Jon Huntsman.
-Stephen Colbert

We need God's forgiveness- or at least China's.
-Stephen Colbert

It has been a crazy week for stocks. First down, then up, then down, and today they are up again. It's like trying to follow Gary Busey when he's off his meds.
-Jay Leno


Categories: Church and State, Colbert Report, Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert


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The poor's free ride is over
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Published Friday, August 19, 2011 @ 9:19 AM EDT
Aug 19 2011

(The Daily Show video: The Poor's Free Ride Is Over.)

In which Jon Stewart brilliantly explains how the greedy 50% of the population which controls a whopping 2.5% of the nation's wealth can solve the debt crisis by simply carrying their fair share of the tax burden.

What prompted this? Warren Buffett's op-ed, a thoughtful treatise on the advantages the super-wealthy currently enjoy at the hands of the tax code, or, to put that another way, "class warfare." Yep, Warren Buffett is a socialist.


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, WTF?


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Quote of the day
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Published Thursday, August 18, 2011 @ 7:01 AM EDT
Aug 18 2011

Texas Gov. Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying "I went to Texas A&M, he went to Yale." In other words, Rick Perry's idea of instilling confidence is to say, "Don't worry, I'm not as smart as George W. Bush."
-Conan O'Brien


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quotes of the day
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Published Wednesday, August 17, 2011 @ 9:16 AM EDT
Aug 17 2011

Mae West (August 17, 1893 - November 22, 1980):

A man in love is like a clipped coupon-it's time to cash in.

Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.

Beulah, peel me a grape.

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

I believe in censorship. After all, I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognize a good party man when I see one.

I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.

I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.

I speak two languages: English and Body.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

I'm no angel, but I have spread my wings a bit.

I'm the kinda girl who works for Paramount by day, and Fox all night.

Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day-and another, in case it doesn't rain.

She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

Some men are all right in their place- if they only knew the right places!

The score never interested me, only the game.

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.

When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better.

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

When you get the personality, you don't need the nudity.


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Ron who?
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Published Tuesday, August 16, 2011 @ 10:22 AM EDT
Aug 16 2011

"How did Libertarian Ron Paul become the thirteenth floor in a hotel?"-Jon Stewart

(The Daily Show video: "Even when the media does remember Ron Paul, it's only to reassure themselves that there's no need to remember Ron Paul."(04:20))


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Video, WTF?


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New quotations
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Published Monday, August 15, 2011 @ 12:20 AM EDT
Aug 15 2011

Recently enshrined in The KGB Quotations Database:

I don’t want to be part of any revolution where there isn’t dancing.
-Emma Goldman

The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
-Franklin Delano Roosevelt


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Even more evidence for The KGB Batsh*t Constant
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Published Sunday, August 14, 2011 @ 8:56 AM EDT
Aug 14 2011

The KGB Batsh*t Constant evolves, but maintains its basic premise:

"If you review the hundreds of public opinion polls taken every year, you'll discover that roughly 20 to 30 percent of the population is against everything, regardless of the question. Or, to use the technical term, batsh*t crazy. I like to refer to this as The Batsh*t Constant."

Corollary 1:
"In any election, twenty to thirty percent of the population will consistently vote for the least qualified, most emotionally unstable, or most cognitively impaired candidate on the ballot."

The winner of the Ames, Iowa Straw Poll? Michele Bachmann, with 28.6% of the vote.


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Eligible for Social Security
(permalink)

Published Sunday, August 14, 2011 @ 1:32 AM EDT
Aug 14 2011

Steve Martin, born August 14, 1945.

(Johnny Carson hosts Steve Martin as "The Great Flydini")


Categories: Eligible for Social Security


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Tweet of the day
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Published Sunday, August 14, 2011 @ 1:27 AM EDT
Aug 14 2011


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Photo of the day
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Published Sunday, August 14, 2011 @ 12:22 AM EDT
Aug 14 2011

Oh noes! We iz out of coffee!!


Categories: Animals, Dogs, Photo of the day


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Political jokes of the week
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Published Saturday, August 13, 2011 @ 12:14 AM EDT
Aug 13 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

Great day today! Obama didn't speak. Congress didn't act. Experts on vacation. And the Dow soared 400 points. There's a lesson in there.
-Jay Leno

They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money.
-Jay Leno

President Obama said this week that the downgrading of our credit rating should give America "a renewed sense of urgency.' A renewed sense of urgency? The only people that don't think it's urgent are the congressmen that just went on a five week vacation.
-Jay Leno

Did you know that China has the exact same credit rating that we do? You'd think their credit would be better, but it's not. Look who owes them all the money.
-Jay Leno

Sarah Palin's daughter-in-law just gave birth three months after getting married, and thus won the annual Palin Almost Abstinent Award.
-Jay Leno

There have been huge riots in England the past couple of days. People are fighting, throwing rocks, smashing windows. And they're doing it the hard way, without a soccer game.
-Jay Leno

Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced that he received the endorsement of Jeb Bush, Jr., who is the son of the brother of the former president. Analysts say he's sewn up the crucial "guy you didn't know existed" vote.
-Conan O'Brien

A new report shows that due to the weak economy right now, more Americans are canceling their cable television. Good luck trying to live without eight shows about cakes.
-Conan O'Brien

Levi Johnston, who got Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol pregnant, has a sister Mercede, who just posed for "Playboy" and said some very unflattering things about the Palins. She said Track Palin, who she dated, used cocaine and oxycodone, that Sarah Palin forced him to go into the military to protect herself, and that if Palin became President she'd have a mental breakdown. Then the photographer asked her to turn a little so he could get both nipples.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Financial analysts are worried that we may be headed for a double-dip recession. That sounds delicious to me.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Here's what I don't understand about rioting. If you're going to destroy a city for no reason, why destroy your own city? Move one city over.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Michele Bachmann said that if she's elected president, she won't read words off a teleprompter. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin said that if she's elected president, she won't read words.
-Jimmy Fallon

The Republican Party is making automated robocalls to voters, blaming Democrats for the credit downgrade. Yeah, I thought I got a robocall from Mitt Romney. Turns out it was actually Mitt Romney.
-Jimmy Fallon

Obama is going to use 'weird' as code for 'Mormon.' I am really starting to respect that urban, rhythmic, Socialist, Kenyan secret Muslim.
-Stephen Colbert

New reports say that President Obama's re-election team is going to try to portray Mitt Romney as 'weird.' They're also going to try to portray Michele Bachmann as 'Michele Bachmann.'
-Conan O'Brien

Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen wearing a t-shirt that said, 'I Survived Maria.' Maria Shriver was seen wearing a shirt that said, 'I Survived 'Twins.' 'End of Days' and 'Jingle All the Way.'
-Conan O'Brien

Scientists have discovered that Texas and Antarctica were once linked. They say their first clue was when they were shot at by penguins.
-Conan O'Brien

A new study shows that Americans with Type 2 diabetes can completely reverse the disease by eating healthy foods. In other words, no cure for Type 2 diabetes.
-Conan O'Brien

'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' made $54 million this weekend. It's about small-brained creatures who rise up and take over the Earth. First they form political groups called Tea Parties.
-Jay Leno

Big riots in the United Kingdom. Do you know how you can tell the riots are in London? Because there they riot on the other side of the street.
-Jay Leno

A 61-year-old woman ended her attempt to swim from Havana to Florida. She stopped when she realized how bad the American economy was, and started swimming in the other direction.
-Jay Leno

Sarah Palin now has a second grandchild. Think how many she'd have if the Palins didn't practice abstinence. The kid's name is Grizzly Frances Moosehead Palin.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Al Gore got so angry during a speech about global warming that he almost woke up some of the people in the audience.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump told CNN he may consider getting back into the presidential race. He said he has to mull it over, comb it over, and he'll go from there.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Rush Limbaugh accused President Obama of trying to inflict as much damage as possible in four years. And then Rush Limbaugh's chair accused him of doing the same thing.
-Jimmy Fallon

The Dow fell 634 points and went below the 11,000 mark. All I can say is: It's a good thing all my money is tied up in Beanie Babies.
-Jimmy Fallon

S&P makes a $2 trillion mistake. Or as it's known in financial circles, a "Trump."
-Daily Show tweet

S&P downgraded the United States from AAA to AA+, and it gets worse. Today, Italy, England, and Greece un-friended us on Facebook.
-Jay Leno

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced he's not going to resign. He had suggested he might be leaving and getting a job in the private sector. But thanks to his economic policies there are no jobs in the private sector, so I guess he's going to stay.
-Jay Leno

I don't know why Timothy Geithner would quit working at the Treasury. It must be an easy job now, especially since there's no money in it.
-Jay Leno

Only a couple of days until the big Republican Iowa Republican straw poll. Pollsters say it's a dead heat between the guy you never heard of, the guy who used to be somebody, and the woman who has no chance of winning.
-Jay Leno

It turns out that Texas Gov. Rick Perry got a D in Principles of Economics. So he can't be president, but he can get a job on President Obama's economic team.
-Jay Leno

The United States' credit rating was downgraded to AA+. Am I the only one who thinks that doesn't sound so bad?
-Jimmy Kimmel

We owe China more than a trillion dollars. Why don't we just give them Florida?
-Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama said that even though we've been downgraded, we're still a AAA nation. Unfortunately, he meant in the minor league baseball sense.
-Jimmy Kimmel

A new poll shows that disapproval of Congress is at an all-time high. Eighty-two percent of Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing and the other 18 percent weren't home when the question was asked.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Wall Street got so hammered today Ronnie and The Situation tried to have sex with it.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Man, America's credit rating took a real hit this weekend. On Friday night, the U.S. actually lost its AAA status. Or as Joe Biden put it, 'What happens if I get a flat tire?'
-Jimmy Fallon

About 45,000 Verizon employees are on strike after failing to reach a new contract. Yeah, things are so bad, the S&P downgraded them from 'Verizon' to 'AT&T.'
-Jimmy Fallon

China has told us our days of squandering borrowed money are over. So maybe we shouldn’t tell them we just spent $76 million going to the Smurf movie.
-Conan O'Brien

The economy’s so bad Angelina Jolie is now adopting kids from America. My Facebook friends are now eating their Farmville animals. Piers Morgan can only afford to hack into the voicemail of Ringo.
-Conan O'Brien


Categories: Colbert Report, Daily Show, Jon Stewart


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Lactate Intolerance
(permalink)

Published Friday, August 12, 2011 @ 2:05 AM EDT
Aug 12 2011

(Daily Show video, in which Jon Stewart again highlights conservative hypocrisy.)

The Daily Show's crack research team comes through again. Don't those idiots at Fox realize they save the tapes?!

The full hypocritical comment Kelly made was:

"The United States is the only country in the advanced world that doesn't require paid maternity leave. Now I happen to work for a nice employer that gave me paid leave. But the United States is the only advanced country that doesn't require paid leave. If anything, the United States is in the dark ages when it comes to maternity leave. And what is it about carrying a baby for nine months, that you don't think deserves a few months off so bonding and recovery can take place, hmm?"

As Jon Stewart noted, "This is the problem with entitlements. They're really only entitlements when they're something other people want. When it's something you want, they're a hallmark of a civilized society, the foundation of a great people. I just had a baby and found out maternity leave strengthens society. But since I still have a job, unemployment benefits are clearly socialism. To put it more simply, [cut to George Carlin clip] Have you noticed their stuff is sh*t, and you sh*t is stuff?"

Mrs, "It's not an entitlement if I want it" is right about one thing: the way the United States treats parents is barbaric, compared to other countries.


Categories: Daily Show, George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Video


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More evidence for The KGB Batsh*t Constant
(permalink)

Published Thursday, August 11, 2011 @ 8:12 AM EDT
Aug 11 2011

Mormons believe Joseph Smith received golden plates from an angel on a hill, when everybody knows Moses got stone tablets from a burning bush on a mountain.

(Video: "Yaweh or No Way" - The Colbert Report)

"Only 71% approve of God's handling of creating the universe. That means for 29%, the infinite and unknowable everything isn't cutting' it." Which lends further credence to The KGB Batsh*t Constant.


Categories: Colbert Report, KGB, Stephen Colbert


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New quotations
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Published Thursday, August 11, 2011 @ 12:37 AM EDT
Aug 11 2011

Recently enshrined in The KGB Quotations Database:

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm prepared for death because I don't believe in it. I think it's just getting out of one car and getting into another.
-John Lennon

Ah, the gap between expectation and achievement is filled with the screams of good men, still falling.
-Reginald Hill

I may be just an empty flesh terminal relying on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that, everything that makes me a unique human being, is still out there, somewhere, safe in the theoretical storage space owned by giant multi-national corporations.
-Stephen Colbert

Even a fool could see that one didn't need a war, nuclear or otherwise, to destroy oneself; the rising cost of weaponry could do that quite nicely.
-Stanislaw Lem

If man had more of a sense of humor, things might have turned out differently.
-Stanislaw Lem


Categories:


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Sigh.
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, August 10, 2011 @ 9:54 AM EDT
Aug 10 2011

It started with a friend's post on Facebook of an Onion article entitled "Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone at Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is," and quickly went downhill from there.


Categories: WTF?


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On Demand
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, August 10, 2011 @ 12:44 AM EDT
Aug 10 2011

Whoever is demanding stuff like this really needs to stop.


Categories: WTF?


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Illustrated quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, August 09, 2011 @ 11:33 AM EDT
Aug 09 2011

Selecting a photo of Michele Bachmann to make her look crazy
is like selecting a photo of Michael Jordan to make him look tall.
-Steven Otte


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, August 09, 2011 @ 7:09 AM EDT
Aug 09 2011

Let's say a little prayer for people who think this country's problems can be solved with prayer.
-Alex Blagg


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Monday, August 08, 2011 @ 11:42 AM EDT
Aug 08 2011

Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
-Josh Whedon


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Sign of the day
(permalink)

Published Sunday, August 07, 2011 @ 11:20 PM EDT
Aug 07 2011

(from the What on Earth catalog.)


Categories: Sign of the day


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Saturday, August 06, 2011 @ 11:39 PM EDT
Aug 06 2011

I say we live our lives the way our founding fathers intended: four-feet tall, crippled with rickets until we die of old age at 28.
-Stephen Colbert


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Friday, August 05, 2011 @ 2:32 PM EDT
Aug 05 2011

July was the hottest month on record in Washington, D.C. But it's not the heat that gets you; it's the stupidity.
-Jay Leno


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Spock is not impressed
(permalink)

Published Thursday, August 04, 2011 @ 2:15 PM EDT
Aug 04 2011

No, I mean, really, Spock Is Not Impressed.


Categories: Snrk, Star Trek, WTF?


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Only two days left to catch this classic...
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, August 03, 2011 @ 11:05 AM EDT
Aug 03 2011

Sometimes Comcast comes through.


Categories: WTF?


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, August 02, 2011 @ 7:23 AM EDT
Aug 02 2011

The essence of the problem is something I've been saying for years. One party has no brains; the other party has no balls. Is it really too much to ask that there be one party with both?
-Bill Maher


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quotes of the day
(permalink)

Published Monday, August 01, 2011 @ 9:50 AM EDT
Aug 01 2011

A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
-H.L. Mencken

Compromise is never anything but an ignoble truce between the duty of a man and the terror of a coward.
-Reginald Wright Kaufman

Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof.
-James Russell Lowell

Compromise used to mean half a loaf was better than no bread. Among modern statesmen it really seems to mean that half a loaf is better than a whole loaf. -G.K. Chesterton

I don't have to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me.
-Bill Watterson (from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes)

Politics is about compromises... really stupid compromises.
-Bill Maher


Categories: Quotes of the day


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First name: Mister, middle name: period, last name: T!
(permalink)

Published Monday, August 01, 2011 @ 8:20 AM EDT
Aug 01 2011

"I'm going to virtualize you fools."

There is nothing Mr. T can't sell.


Categories: Video, YouTube


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