Baltimore House, Pleasant Hills, PA
Categories: Photo of the day, WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
KGB ReportObservations by and for the vaguely disenchanted. |
Risking the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing. ISSN: 1525-898X |
« September 2011
Back to Home Page
July 2011 »
Baltimore House, Pleasant Hills, PA
Categories: Photo of the day, WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Molly Ivins,((August 30, 1944 - January 31, 2007)
Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant- it tends to get worse.
Goverment is a tool, like a hammer. You can use a hammer to build with or you can use a hammer to destroy.
It's hard to argue against cynics- they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side.
It's hard to convince people that your're killing them for their own good.
On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.
The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion.
The trouble with global communications is that it is no longer possible to sit on one tiny patch of the earth and think, "God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world." We always know better.
The next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be President of the United States, please, pay attention.
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
[Texas] students will learn about the contributions of Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority. Maybe the students will read Falwell's claim that feminists and homosexuals were partially responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Phyllis Schlafly, the Heritage Foundation and the NRA are all included. Students will also be required to "discuss the meaning of 'In God We Trust.'"
History in Texas classrooms will be decidedly different from when we were students. I never learned "both the positive and negative impacts of... country and western music" in my high school history class. Where would you rate Estée Lauder in terms of historical importance to our country? If you think she is one of the 68 most important historical figures, you agree with the board. Yes, the board included her in the state curriculum, but not George Washington.
I also never learned that the findings of the House Committee on Un-American Activities were confirmed, perhaps because it is not true. It puts teachers in an awkward position by asking them to teach something that is historically inaccurate. I will not have to deal with that issue in some of my classes because my Advanced Placement U.S. History classes are not required to follow the state curriculum. I am guessing that the Texas Education Agency realizes that students could never pass national exams while learning the state-mandated curriculum.
(Full article here)
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
-George
Carlin
Categories: George Carlin, History, Music
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Amanda Tapping ("Stargate," "Sanctuary") is 46 today.
(You Tube video: Outtake from "Stargate SG-1," in which Ms. Tapping loses it with Richard Dean Anderson.)
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Granddaughter Leanna fishes the lake in Laurel Hill State Park, near Somerset, PA.
Categories: KGB Family, Photo of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
(YouTube video: Thousands flee as Cantore arrives in advance of Hurricane Irene.)
Categories: YouTube
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Truman Capote (September 30, 1924 - August 25, 1984):
Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.
Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the yard and shot it.
It's a scientific fact that for every year you live in California, you lose two points off your I.Q. It's redundant to die in L.A.
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Life is difficult enough without Meryl Streep movies.
The better the actor the more stupid he is.
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Widespread property rearrangement.
Is it over?
Eyewitness Action Breaking NewsTeam footage of official response.
Categories: Photo of the day, Video, WTF?, YouTube
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Misty is 12 today. She's the elegant, Lauren Bacall-ish member of our Sheltie pack. Time for a belly rub and a piece of toast...
Categories: Animals, Dogs, KGB Family
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
The first Facebook status I actually felt wasn't too insipid to repost:
PLEASE!!!
Copy and paste this into your status if you know someone,
or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the damn face.
People who need a punch in the damn face affect the lives of many.
There's still no known cure for people who need a punch in the damn
face, except a punch in the damn face. 93% of people won't re-post this.
Why? Because they probably need a punch in the damn face. It's National
Punch in the Damn Face Week this week...
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Whoopi Goldberg, Jerry Stiller, Anne Meara, Ben and Amy Stiller, Lewis Lapham, Kevin Smith, Dylan Brody, Kelly Carlin, Tony Hendra, Patrick Carlin, Floyd Abrams, and Louis C.K. eulogize Geoege Carlin at a New York Public Library event celebrating the release of his autobiography, "Last Words."
It's well worth the hour and 44 minutes of your time. There's an accurate transcript also available here.
"Sliding headfirst down a vagina with no clothes on and landing in the
freshly shaven crotch of a screaming woman did not seem to be part of
God’s plan for me, at least not at first."
-George
Carlin, "Last Words"
Categories: George Carlin, Video
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.
President Obama is on a bus tour to talk about jobs, and it turns out
the bus was made in Canada. If he were a real American that bus would
have been made in China. USA! USA!
-Conan O'Brien
Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or
longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people
interested in his house.
-Conan O'Brien
Michele Bachmann said that when she is president, gas prices will come
down to less than $2 a gallon. When asked how she'll make that happen,
she said she'll hunt down the CEO of Exxon and stare at him.
-Conan
O'Brien
A new survey has Rick Perry ahead of Mitt Romney by 11 points, and
Michele Bachmann is five points behind him. I think it's going to come
down to who wears the most flag pins.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Perry is an attractive candidate for many conservatives, because he
wants smaller government, to cut national spending, and he knows how to
fire a grenade launcher. He's like the Sarah Palin of politics.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
Rick Perry was once a Democrat. Just once, in college. He was
experimenting.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Donald Trump may be running for president, and why not? He's got that
everyman quality that we can all relate to.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Rick Perry is now the front runner. Of course they're letting him run in
front. Because he's the one with the gun.
-Stephen Colbert
There is no coordination between Colbert Super PAC and the Perry
campaign; that would be wrong and illegal. They are as separate as
church and state under a Perry Administration.
-Stephen Colbert
It's never enough for the media. They're like children: 'Mom, can I get
a Paul Ryan?' 'I just got you a Rick Perry! And you already broke your
Michele Bachmann. And before I get you anything else, where the f**k is
your Ron Paul?'
-Jon Stewart
Mitt Romney said he was in Iowa when he was actually in New Hampshire.
He explained, 'I accidentally mixed up my sea of white people.'
-Conan
O'Brien
The White House sent Vice President Joe Biden to China today. So now we
owe them a trillion dollars AND an apology.
-Conan O'Brien
Newt Gingrich, who came in eighth place in the Iowa Straw Poll, said
he's 'not dead yet.' Then he was invited on 'Dancing With the Stars,'
and he said, 'OK, now I'm dead.'
-Conan O'Brien
A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25
shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me.
You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.
-Jimmy Kimmel
President Obama is touring the country in a bus, because nothing
inspires hope in the economy like the president riding in a bus.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
Republican front-runner Mitt Romney is mocking Obama's bus caravan,
calling it The Magical Misery Tour, which is sort of funny coming from
the President of the Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hair Club for Men.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
President Obama's new slogan is: 'I Thought We Could, but It Turns Out
the Other Guys Are Assholes.'
-Jon Stewart
Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Poll. She said she hasn't been this
excited since she won last year's 'Who's Crazier Than Sarah Palin'
contest.'
-Conan O'Brien
Tim Pawlenty announced that he's dropping out of the race for president.
Pawlenty said he wants to spend more time with his family because even
they don't know who he is.
-Conan O'Brien
Canada imposed a ban on trade with North Korea. No more hockey highlight
DVDs for Kim Jong Il.
-Conan O'Brien
The NYPD created a new unit that will use social media sites to catch
criminals. Criminal caught on Facebook and Twitter will be arrested,
while criminals caught on MySpace will be told about Facebook.
-Conan
O'Brien
Michelle Bachmann paid $30 each for 6,000 voting tickets in Iowa and got
4,800 votes, so 1,200 people stole her $30. It's funny that someone who
doesn't believe in government handouts paid 6,000 people to vote for her.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for president, saying he wants to
spend more time lacking charisma with his family.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Now that Pawlenty is out, the big question is whether Bachmann or Perry
will get his supporter.
-Stephen Colbert
In Iowa in her tent Michele Bachmann had Randy Travis and a petting zoo.
Of course you were only allowed to pet animals of the opposite sex.
-Stephen
Colbert
Michele Bachmann's victory in the straw poll may have had something to
do with her helping her supporters pay for their $30 voting ticket- by
paying for their voting ticket. Bachmann paid $180,000 to hand out 6,000
tickets, and she got 4,800 votes. She got a commanding 80% of the votes
she paid for. I think this proves she can win if she can get 50 million
voters into a field, fill them with barbecue and let their children pet
Randy Travis.
-Stephen Colbert
He's not George Bush on steroids. Rick Perry is what happens if Lex
Luther distilled down George Bush essence in a laboratory and crossed it
with gun powder and semen from the finest thoroughbred in Lubbock, and
then strapped that concoction onto a nuclear missile and shot it into
the f*cking sun! And then, waited, waited, waited, until one day, on the
anniversarry of the Alamo, a solar flare, yada yada yada, Rick Perry!
-Jon
Stewart
If all of Jon Huntsman's supporters met at the Ames, Iowa Quiznos, the
fire marshal would say, 'yeah, that's fine, there are some more seats in
the back.'
-Jon Stewart
Michele Bachmann was asked if she was a submissive wife. She said no,
but her husband is.
-Jay Leno
President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three
states are confusion, delusion, and desperation.
-Jay Leno
The Republicans had their big debate in Iowa. You know who the winner
was? Anyone that didn't watch.
-Jay Leno
Newt Gingrich made a surprise announcement. He's still in the race.
-Jay
Leno
It's the 76th anniversary of Social Security. I mention it because
there's no guarantee that there will be a 77th.
-Jay Leno
General Mills is releasing new lip balms that taste like Cinnamon Toast
Crunch, Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms. Or as Joe Biden put it: 'Nice.
They should make one for Lucky Nuts.'
-Jay Leno
A new survey revealed that being an IT guy is the most hated job in the
country. Or as President Obama put it, 'Wanna bet?'
-Jimmy Fallon
The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to
911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text 'Burglar!
Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to 'Burger, please. Hungry.'
-Jimmy
Fallon
Some political analysts are saying that President Obama is making many
of the same mistakes that President Bush made. Obama said, 'That's
ridiculous, and if you'll excuse me, 'Spongebob' is on.'
-Conan
O'Brien
Nancy Pelosi has named the final members of the committee charged with
reducing the debt. Unfortunately, the committee includes MC Hammer,
Willie Nelson, and Nicholas Cage.
-Conan O'Brien
President Obama took campaign workers out for burgers yesterday and left
a 35 percent tip. Man, that guy is so generous with China's money.
-Jimmy
Fallon
After all the rioting in London this week, officials are worried that it
could mean security problems for the Olympics next year. On the bright
side, the guy running with the torch will just blend right in.
-Jimmy
Fallon
During a call with investors, Rupert Murdoch said that News Corp made
$2.7 billion last year. Murdoch said if investors had any questions,
they should contact him by leaving a message on their own voicemails.
-Jimmy
Fallon
Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are both Mormon. One of these guys could be
our next president. The other one is Jon Huntsman.
-Stephen Colbert
We need God's forgiveness- or at least China's.
-Stephen Colbert
It has been a crazy week for stocks. First down, then up, then down, and
today they are up again. It's like trying to follow Gary Busey when he's
off his meds.
-Jay Leno
Categories: Church and State, Colbert Report, Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
(The Daily Show video: The Poor's Free Ride Is Over.)
In which Jon Stewart brilliantly explains how the greedy 50% of the population which controls a whopping 2.5% of the nation's wealth can solve the debt crisis by simply carrying their fair share of the tax burden.
What prompted this? Warren Buffett's op-ed, a thoughtful treatise on the advantages the super-wealthy currently enjoy at the hands of the tax code, or, to put that another way, "class warfare." Yep, Warren Buffett is a socialist.
Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Texas Gov. Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying
"I went to Texas A&M, he went to Yale." In other words, Rick Perry's idea of
instilling confidence is to say, "Don't worry, I'm not as smart as George W. Bush."
-Conan O'Brien
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Mae West (August 17, 1893 - November 22, 1980):
A man in love is like a clipped coupon-it's time to cash in.
Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.
Beulah, peel me a grape.
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
I believe in censorship. After all, I made a fortune out of it.
I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.
I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognize a good party man when I see one.
I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.
I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
I speak two languages: English and Body.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
I'm no angel, but I have spread my wings a bit.
I'm the kinda girl who works for Paramount by day, and Fox all night.
Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you.
Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day-and another, in case it doesn't rain.
She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Some men are all right in their place- if they only knew the right places!
The score never interested me, only the game.
There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.
To err is human, but it feels divine.
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.
When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better.
When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
When you get the personality, you don't need the nudity.
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
"How did Libertarian Ron Paul become the thirteenth floor in a hotel?"-Jon Stewart
(The Daily Show video: "Even when the media does remember Ron Paul, it's only to reassure themselves that there's no need to remember Ron Paul."(04:20))
Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Video, WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Recently enshrined in The KGB Quotations Database:
I don’t want to be part of any revolution where there isn’t dancing.
-Emma
Goldman
The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of
those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have
too little.
-Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
The KGB Batsh*t Constant evolves, but maintains its basic premise:
"If you review the hundreds of public opinion polls taken every year, you'll discover that roughly 20 to 30 percent of the population is against everything, regardless of the question. Or, to use the technical term, batsh*t crazy. I like to refer to this as The Batsh*t Constant."
Corollary 1:
"In any election, twenty to thirty percent of the
population will consistently vote for the least qualified, most
emotionally unstable, or most cognitively impaired candidate on the
ballot."
The winner of the Ames, Iowa Straw Poll? Michele Bachmann, with 28.6% of the vote.
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Steve Martin, born August 14, 1945.
(Johnny Carson hosts Steve Martin as "The Great Flydini")
Categories: Eligible for Social Security
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Oh noes! We iz out of coffee!!
Categories: Animals, Dogs, Photo of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.
Great day today! Obama didn't speak. Congress didn't act. Experts on
vacation. And the Dow soared 400 points. There's a lesson in there.
-Jay Leno
They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know
what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to
live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you
used to have money.
-Jay Leno
President Obama said this week that the downgrading of our credit rating
should give America "a renewed sense of urgency.' A renewed sense of
urgency? The only people that don't think it's urgent are the
congressmen that just went on a five week vacation.
-Jay Leno
Did you know that China has the exact same credit rating that we do?
You'd think their credit would be better, but it's not. Look who owes
them all the money.
-Jay Leno
Sarah Palin's daughter-in-law just gave birth three months after getting
married, and thus won the annual Palin Almost Abstinent Award.
-Jay Leno
There have been huge riots in England the past couple of days. People
are fighting, throwing rocks, smashing windows. And they're doing it the
hard way, without a soccer game.
-Jay Leno
Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced that he
received the endorsement of Jeb Bush, Jr., who is the son of the brother
of the former president. Analysts say he's sewn up the crucial "guy you
didn't know existed" vote.
-Conan O'Brien
A new report shows that due to the weak economy right now, more
Americans are canceling their cable television. Good luck trying to live
without eight shows about cakes.
-Conan O'Brien
Levi Johnston, who got Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol pregnant, has a
sister Mercede, who just posed for "Playboy" and said some very
unflattering things about the Palins. She said Track Palin, who she
dated, used cocaine and oxycodone, that Sarah Palin forced him to go
into the military to protect herself, and that if Palin became President
she'd have a mental breakdown. Then the photographer asked her to turn a
little so he could get both nipples.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Financial analysts are worried that we may be headed for a double-dip
recession. That sounds delicious to me.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Here's what I don't understand about rioting. If you're going to destroy
a city for no reason, why destroy your own city? Move one city over.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
Michele Bachmann said that if she's elected president, she won't read
words off a teleprompter. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin said that if she's
elected president, she won't read words.
-Jimmy Fallon
The Republican Party is making automated robocalls to voters, blaming
Democrats for the credit downgrade. Yeah, I thought I got a robocall
from Mitt Romney. Turns out it was actually Mitt Romney.
-Jimmy Fallon
Obama is going to use 'weird' as code for 'Mormon.' I am really starting
to respect that urban, rhythmic, Socialist, Kenyan secret Muslim.
-Stephen
Colbert
New reports say that President Obama's re-election team is going to try
to portray Mitt Romney as 'weird.' They're also going to try to portray
Michele Bachmann as 'Michele Bachmann.'
-Conan O'Brien
Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen wearing a t-shirt that said, 'I Survived
Maria.' Maria Shriver was seen wearing a shirt that said, 'I Survived
'Twins.' 'End of Days' and 'Jingle All the Way.'
-Conan O'Brien
Scientists have discovered that Texas and Antarctica were once linked.
They say their first clue was when they were shot at by penguins.
-Conan
O'Brien
A new study shows that Americans with Type 2 diabetes can completely
reverse the disease by eating healthy foods. In other words, no cure for
Type 2 diabetes.
-Conan O'Brien
'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' made $54 million this weekend. It's
about small-brained creatures who rise up and take over the Earth. First
they form political groups called Tea Parties.
-Jay Leno
Big riots in the United Kingdom. Do you know how you can tell the riots
are in London? Because there they riot on the other side of the street.
-Jay Leno
A 61-year-old woman ended her attempt to swim from Havana to Florida.
She stopped when she realized how bad the American economy was, and
started swimming in the other direction.
-Jay Leno
Sarah Palin now has a second grandchild. Think how many she'd have if
the Palins didn't practice abstinence. The kid's name is Grizzly Frances
Moosehead Palin.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Al Gore got so angry during a speech about global warming that he almost
woke up some of the people in the audience.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Donald Trump told CNN he may consider getting back into the presidential
race. He said he has to mull it over, comb it over, and he'll go from
there.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Rush Limbaugh accused President Obama of trying to inflict as much
damage as possible in four years. And then Rush Limbaugh's chair accused
him of doing the same thing.
-Jimmy Fallon
The Dow fell 634 points and went below the 11,000 mark. All I can say
is: It's a good thing all my money is tied up in Beanie Babies.
-Jimmy Fallon
S&P makes a $2 trillion mistake. Or as it's known in financial circles,
a "Trump."
-Daily Show tweet
S&P downgraded the United States from AAA to AA+, and it gets worse.
Today, Italy, England, and Greece un-friended us on Facebook.
-Jay Leno
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced he's not going to resign.
He had suggested he might be leaving and getting a job in the private
sector. But thanks to his economic policies there are no jobs in the
private sector, so I guess he's going to stay.
-Jay Leno
I don't know why Timothy Geithner would quit working at the Treasury. It
must be an easy job now, especially since there's no money in it.
-Jay Leno
Only a couple of days until the big Republican Iowa Republican straw
poll. Pollsters say it's a dead heat between the guy you never heard of,
the guy who used to be somebody, and the woman who has no chance of
winning.
-Jay Leno
It turns out that Texas Gov. Rick Perry got a D in Principles of
Economics. So he can't be president, but he can get a job on President
Obama's economic team.
-Jay Leno
The United States' credit rating was downgraded to AA+. Am I the only
one who thinks that doesn't sound so bad?
-Jimmy Kimmel
We owe China more than a trillion dollars. Why don't we just give them
Florida?
-Jimmy Kimmel
President Obama said that even though we've been downgraded, we're still
a AAA nation. Unfortunately, he meant in the minor league baseball sense.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
A new poll shows that disapproval of Congress is at an all-time high.
Eighty-two percent of Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing
and the other 18 percent weren't home when the question was asked.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
Wall Street got so hammered today Ronnie and The Situation tried to have
sex with it.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Man, America's credit rating took a real hit this weekend. On Friday
night, the U.S. actually lost its AAA status. Or as Joe Biden put it,
'What happens if I get a flat tire?'
-Jimmy Fallon
About 45,000 Verizon employees are on strike after failing to reach a
new contract. Yeah, things are so bad, the S&P downgraded them from
'Verizon' to 'AT&T.'
-Jimmy Fallon
China has told us our days of squandering borrowed money are over. So
maybe we shouldn’t tell them we just spent $76 million going to the
Smurf movie.
-Conan O'Brien
The economy’s so bad Angelina Jolie is now adopting kids from America.
My Facebook friends are now eating their Farmville animals. Piers Morgan
can only afford to hack into the voicemail of Ringo.
-Conan O'Brien
Categories: Colbert Report, Daily Show, Jon Stewart
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
(Daily Show video, in which Jon Stewart again highlights conservative hypocrisy.)
The Daily Show's crack research team comes through again. Don't those idiots at Fox realize they save the tapes?!
The full hypocritical comment Kelly made was:
"The United States is the only country in the advanced world that doesn't require paid maternity leave. Now I happen to work for a nice employer that gave me paid leave. But the United States is the only advanced country that doesn't require paid leave. If anything, the United States is in the dark ages when it comes to maternity leave. And what is it about carrying a baby for nine months, that you don't think deserves a few months off so bonding and recovery can take place, hmm?"
As Jon Stewart noted, "This is the problem with entitlements. They're really only entitlements when they're something other people want. When it's something you want, they're a hallmark of a civilized society, the foundation of a great people. I just had a baby and found out maternity leave strengthens society. But since I still have a job, unemployment benefits are clearly socialism. To put it more simply, [cut to George Carlin clip] Have you noticed their stuff is sh*t, and you sh*t is stuff?"
Mrs, "It's not an entitlement if I want it" is right about one thing: the way the United States treats parents is barbaric, compared to other countries.
Categories: Daily Show, George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Video
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Mormons believe Joseph Smith received golden plates from an angel on a hill, when everybody knows Moses got stone tablets from a burning bush on a mountain.
(Video: "Yaweh or No Way" - The Colbert Report)
"Only 71% approve of God's handling of creating the universe. That means for 29%, the infinite and unknowable everything isn't cutting' it." Which lends further credence to The KGB Batsh*t Constant.
Categories: Colbert Report, KGB, Stephen Colbert
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Recently enshrined in The KGB Quotations Database:
I'm not afraid of dying. I'm prepared for death because I don't believe
in it. I think it's just getting out of one car and getting into another.
-John
Lennon
Ah, the gap between expectation and achievement is filled with the
screams of good men, still falling.
-Reginald Hill
I may be just an empty flesh terminal relying on technology for all my
ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that,
everything that makes me a unique human being, is still out there,
somewhere, safe in the theoretical storage space owned by giant
multi-national corporations.
-Stephen Colbert
Even a fool could see that one didn't need a war, nuclear or otherwise,
to destroy oneself; the rising cost of weaponry could do that quite
nicely.
-Stanislaw Lem
If man had more of a sense of humor, things might have turned out
differently.
-Stanislaw Lem
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
It started with a friend's post on Facebook of an Onion article entitled "Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone at Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is," and quickly went downhill from there.
Categories: WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Whoever is demanding stuff like this really needs to stop.
Categories: WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Selecting a photo of Michele Bachmann to make her look crazy
is like
selecting a photo of Michael Jordan to make him look tall.
-Steven
Otte
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Let's say a little prayer for people who think this country's problems
can be solved with prayer.
-Alex Blagg
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
-Josh Whedon
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
(from the What on Earth catalog.)
Categories: Sign of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
I say we live our lives the way our founding fathers intended: four-feet tall, crippled with rickets until we die of old age at 28.
-Stephen Colbert
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
July was the hottest month on record in Washington, D.C.
But it's not the heat that gets you; it's the
stupidity.
-Jay Leno
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
No, I mean, really, Spock Is Not Impressed.
Categories: Snrk, Star Trek, WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Sometimes Comcast comes through.
Categories: WTF?
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
The essence of the problem is something I've been saying for years. One
party has no brains; the other party has no balls. Is it really too much
to ask that there be one party with both?
-Bill Maher
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order
to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and
submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a
streetwalker.
-H.L. Mencken
Compromise is never anything but an ignoble truce between the duty of a
man and the terror of a coward.
-Reginald Wright Kaufman
Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof.
-James Russell
Lowell
Compromise used to mean half a loaf was better than no bread. Among modern statesmen it really seems to mean that half a loaf is better than a whole loaf. -G.K. Chesterton
I don't have to compromise my principles, because they don't have the
slightest bearing on what happens to me.
-Bill Watterson (from the
comic strip Calvin and Hobbes)
Politics is about compromises... really stupid compromises.
-Bill
Maher
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
"I'm going to virtualize you fools."
There is nothing Mr. T can't sell.
Subscribe [Home] [Commentwear] [E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
« September 2011
Home Page
July 2011 »