KGB Report

I received an alert from my web hosting company about running out of disk space for kgbreport.com, which happens from time to time when I forget about checking the log file. Some people go through their logs to analyze trends, find out the source of page requests, etc. I only do that in self-defense, like when the Chinese were sucking the life out of one of my former church's web sites by downloading the same multi-megabyte mp3 audio file thousands of times a day, and I had to put on the webmaster hat to write defensive code for a month. That was not fun.

I feared the worst when I turned my homemade, SPITBOL-based log analyzer on the huge file, fearing I had pissed off some ubergeek who decided to ding me in the pocketbook with bandwidth overages from repetitive automated page requests.

So I was a happy camper when the program finished cruching the numbers and told me that I merely had a modest little blog with a decent readership. I wasn't overrun with spiders and other automated entities which inflate the hit count. Just people:

Analysed requests from Mon-25-Oct-2010 17:10 to Tue-23-Nov-2010 17:49 (29.0 days).
Total successful requests: 134,935 (35,105)
Average successful requests per day: 4,649 (5,015)
Total successful requests for pages: 38,106 (10,018)
Average successful requests for pages per day: 1,313 (1,431)
Number of distinct files requested: 2,769 (2,359)
Number of distinct hosts served: 4,252 (1,700)
Number of new hosts served in last 7 days: 615
Total data transferred: 5,006 Mbytes (1,340 Mbytes)
Average data transferred per day: 176,598 kbytes (196,095 kbytes)
(Figures in parentheses refer to the last 7 days).

So, thanks for listening to an aging curmudgeon's obsessive grumblings. It's appreciated.

Categories: KGB Blog News

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Ok, to be totally honest, I never have bought into the widespread anti-French sentiment that sweeps the US from time to time. I'm not particularly fond of them either, but if it weren't for France, the United States would have never won the Revolutionary War.

That said, the froggy little bastards have gone too far. They're now stealing American intellectual property:

The show is called "Ce soir avec Arthur" (Tonight with Arthur) and shamelessly rips off elements of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Ferguson's show is unique in the late night talk show genre. Copying the generic American talk show is one thing; stealing Ferguson's ineffable format is just plain despicable. They even have the audacity to post their crap on YouTube.

While CBS airs Ferguson's program, the show is owned by Worldwide Pants, David Letterman's production company. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Dave gets medieval on their ass.

-----

"You are an idiot. That was not a copy. It was... an homage."

So instead of calling the lawyers, Ferguson flies Arthur to LA and confronts him personally, with unexpected results. And then dedicates two more segments of the show to his homage buddy.

Categories: Craig Ferguson, WTF?, YouTube

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1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this- ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

(This is all over the Internet; does anyone know the true author?)

Categories: KGB Opinion, Questions for the Ages

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