Published Tuesday, September 18, 2012 @ 6:53 AM EDT
"Mitt Romney is a political contortionist. He can shoot himself in the
foot while it's still in his mouth while his head is up his ass. The
exit wound is spectacular. Then for an encore, he gets the other foot." -David
It's why Al Gore invented the Internet:
O'Reilly and Jon Stewart debate!
Fact: Of the ten states with the highest percentage of people who pay no
income tax, nine are red states.
I never thought it was a good idea for attorneys to be president. -Clint
Eastwood, endorsing Harvard Law grad Romney.
We're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers. -Neil Newhouse, Romney Campaign official pollster
"A Party too patriotic for facts... a candidate too successful for taxes... a city where flip-flops are eveningwear... from Tampa, Florida, this is The Republican National Convention..."
-The Daily Show opening, 8/30/2012
I once got drunk and screamed at a couch for 15 minutes. But it wasn't televised. -Elayne Boosler
Clint Eastwood's RNC speech was to imaginary Obama in an empty chair. I'm drafting a DNC
speech to imaginary Romney in an empty factory. -George Takei
Ryan stretching the truth to make his speech more effective is just another form of doping.
In that if you believe him, you are a dope. -Stephen Colbert
Warning: if you have a heart condition or are pregnant you should not watch. Not because of
the excitement, but because you probably won't like the Republican positions on health care and
reproductive rights. -Stephen Colbert