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About alcohol
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Published Wednesday, May 04, 2016 @ 12:42 PM EDT
May 04 2016

A diplomat's life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and alcohol.
-Adlai E. Stevenson II

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
-Sammy Davis, Jr.

Alcohol is a very necessary article... it enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
-George Bernard Shaw

Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
-Raymond Chandler

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
-Finley Peter Dunne

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.
-Bill Murray

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
-George Bernard Shaw

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra

Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The surest poison is time.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to play.
-Joyce Rebeta-Burditt

Americans are a broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be alcoholic, a dope fiend or a wife-beater, but if a man doesn't drive a car, everybody thinks that something is wrong with him.
-Art Buchwald

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
-Dylan Thomas

Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer- you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.
-Robin Williams

Coleridge was a drug addict. Poe was an alcoholic. Marlowe was killed by a man whom he was treacherously trying to stab. Pope took money to keep a woman's name out of a satire, then wrote the piece so that she could still be recognized anyhow. Chatterton killed himself. Byron was accused of incest. Do you still want to be a writer? And if so, why?
-Bennett Cerf

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
-Carl Jung

I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
-Robert Downey, Jr.

I am more afraid of King Alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy.
-Thomas J. ('Stonewall') Jackson

I get little enjoyment out of women, more out of alcohol, most out of ideas.
-H.L. Mencken

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.
-Paula Poundstone

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
-Hunter S. Thompson

I just wrote one song at a time. Kinda like an alcoholic. One day at a time.
-Neil Young

I went to rehab (for alcoholism) in wine country, just to keep my options open.
-Robin Williams

I'm just saying if you're gonna have a war against drugs, have 'em against all drugs, including alcohol.
-Bill Hicks

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
-Bill Murray

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go 'What happens if you take two?'
-Robin Williams

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
-Dick Gregory

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to f*ck.
-George Carlin

It is no defense of superstition and pseudoscience to say that it brings solace and comfort to people... If solace and comfort are how we judge the worth of something, then consider that tobacco brings solace and comfort to smokers; alcohol brings it to drinkers; drugs of all kinds bring it to addicts; the fall of cards and the run of horses bring it to gamblers; cruelty and violence bring it to sociopaths. Judge by solace and comfort only and there is no behavior we ought to interfere with.
-Isaac Asimov

It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.
-Scott Adams

Just as natural selection weeds out the weak and infirm making a stronger herd, so does alcohol improve your brain's capabilities by destroying the weaker cells.
-Variously attributed

Lying is the same as alcoholism. Liars prevaricate even on their deathbeds.
-Anton Chekhov

Many a person has been saved from summer alcoholism, not to mention hypertoxicity, by Dostoyevsky.
-Roy Blount, Jr.

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
-Andy Rooney

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
-Henny Youngman

Never refuse wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-Alex Levine

Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other drug with special horror.
-William S. Burroughs

Sanity is an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency.
-N.F. Simpson

Terrible climate, centuries of oppression, and the gene for alcoholism. Or as I call it, 'The luck of the Irish.'
-Conan O'Brien

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
-Mignon McLaughlin

The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.
-Kingsley Amis

The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
-Norman Brenner

There are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
-Bill Hicks

There is a terrible sameness to the euphoria of alcohol and the euphoria of metaphor.
-John Cheever

Three most deleterious things of modern life in their present order of importance are: tobacco, alcohol and intemperate eating. Both alcohol and tobacco are taboo in plants.
-Henry Ford

To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

(From the TV series The Simpsons)
-Variously attributed

Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Where are the reporters of yesteryear? The nail biting, acerbic, alcoholic nighthawk bastards who truly knew how to write?
-Annie Proulx


Categories: Alcohol, Quotes on a topic


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