Finley Peter Dunne (July 10, 1867 — April 24, 1936) was an American humorist and writer from Chicago. He published Mr. Dooley in Peace and War, a collection of his nationally syndicated Mr. Dooley sketches, in 1898. The fictional Mr. Dooley expounded upon political and social issues of the day from his South Side Chicago Irish pub and he spoke with the thick verbiage and accent of an Irish immigrant from County Roscommon. Dunne's sly humor and political acumen won the support of President Theodore Roosevelt, a frequent target of Mr. Dooley's barbs. Dunne's sketches became so popular and such a litmus test of public opinion that they were read each week at White House cabinet meetings. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
The business of a newspaper is to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better- it is just turning around as usual.
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
There are no friends at cards or world politics.
Trust everybody, but always cut the cards.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.