Ringgold Wilmer Lardner (March 6, 1885 - September 25, 1933) was an American sports columnist and short story writer best known for his satirical takes on the sports world, marriage, and the theatre. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.
An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.
'Are you lost, Daddy?' I asked tenderly. 'Shut up,' he explained.
He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.
He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
How can you write if you can't cry?
No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done without it.
The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.
There isn't anything on earth as depressing as an old sportswriter.
They gave each other a smile with a future in it.
Where do they get that stuff about me being a satirist? I just listen.