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Quotes of the day: Family
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Published Monday, March 10, 2014 @ 6:15 AM EDT
Mar 10 2014

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
-Ogden Nash

Accidents will occur in the best-regulated families.
-Charles Dickens

Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to play.
-Joyce Rebeta-Burditt

All government originates in families, and if neglected there, it will hardly exist in society... The foundation of all free government and of all social order must be laid in families and in the discipline of youth.
-Noah Webster

All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
-Leo Tolstoy

All the average human being asks is something he can call a home; a family that is fed and warm; and now and then a little happiness; once in a long while an extravagance.
-Mary Harris Jones (Mother Jones)

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.
-Louis C.K.

Americans are fat all year round, but the holidays are when we really hit our stride. And you can bet the food we eat will be just as unhealthy as the families we're forced to visit.
-Lewis Black

Among Republicans, family values seems to be an article of faith, like heaven, rather than an actual way of life.
-John Bonnano

Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Do you want to trace your family tree? Run for public office.
-Patricia H. Vance

Even in harmonious families there is this double life: the group life, which is the one we can observe in our neighbour's household, and, underneath, another- secret and passionate and intense- which is the real life that stamps the faces and gives character to the voices of our friends.
-Willa Cather

Every family is a ghost story. The dead sit at our tables long after they have gone.
-Mitch Albom

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.
-Matt Groening

Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.
-George W. Bush

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
-E.W. Howe

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go according to any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Fathers should neither be seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
-Oscar Wilde

Genealogies are admirable things, provided they do not encourage the curious delusion that some families are older than others.
-W.H. Auden

Heredity runs in our family.
-Don Marquis

I am not here, of course, as one pretending to any expertness on questions of youth and children- except in the sense that, within their own families, all grandfathers are experts on these matters.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower

I come from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
-Lewis Grizzard

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
-Erma Bombeck

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
-Fred Allen

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.
-George W. Bush

I'll keep it short and sweet- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
-Matt Groening

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
-Jeff Foxworthy

If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.
-Quentin Crisp

If society is the prison, families are the cells, with no time off for good behavior. Good behavior in fact tends to lengthen the sentence.
-John Updike

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you might as well make it dance.
-George Bernard Shaw

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair.
-Jeff Foxworthy

In every dispute between parent and child, both cannot be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. It is this situation which gives family life its peculiar hysterical charm.
-Isaac Rosenfeld

In my family, in the days prior to television, we liked to while away the evenings by making ourselves miserable, solely based on our ability to speak the language viciously.
-David Mamet

In our family we don't divorce our men, we bury them.
-Ruth Gordon

It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.
-Elinor Goulding Smith

Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it.
-Quentin Crisp

The family is a good institution because it is uncongenial.
-G.K. Chesterton

The family is one of nature's masterpieces.
-George Santayana

The family is our refuge and our springboard; nourished on it, we can advance to new horizons.
-Alex Haley

The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.
-Ring Lardner

The trouble with the family is that children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
-Evan Esar

There is no such thing as 'fun for the whole family.'
-Jerry Seinfeld

When an American family becomes separated from its toothbrushes and combs and pajamas for a few hours it considers that it has had quite an adventure.
-E.B. White

When someone asks if I'm the black sheep of the family I always say no, we're all black sheep.
-Sarah Vowell

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth.
-Alex Haley

Why is the awfulness of families such a popular reason for starting another?
-Peter De Vries

Women know what men have long forgotten. The ultimate economic and spiritual unit of any civilization is still the family.
-Clare Boothe Luce

You should come from a good family, because while breeding isn't everything, it is said to be lots of fun.
-Gracie Allen

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(Today is also the birthday of Clare Boothe Luce)


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