Doug Larson (b February 10, 1926) was a columnist and editor for the Door County Advocate (1953-1964) and wrote a daily column for the Green Bay Press-Gazette (1964-1988)- both Wisconsin-based newspapers.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
They should have picked a different city to name after a man who reputedly never told a lie.
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three- and paradise is when you have none.
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.