Categories: Signs of the Apocalypse
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted.
Risking the wrath of the whatever
from high atop the thing.
Published Monday-Thursday. Usually.
Franklin Pierce Adams (November 15, 1881 - March 23, 1960) was an American columnist, well known by his initials F.P.A., and wit, best known for his newspaper column, "The Conning Tower", and his appearances as a regular panelist on radio's Information Please. A prolific writer of light verse, he was a member of the Algonquin Round Table of the 1920s and 1930s. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
Age is when a girl rings and says "Do you remember me?" And you reply, "No, I don't, and hang up the receiver."
Christmas is over and Business is Business.
Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.
Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.
Having imagination it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that if you were unimaginative would take you only a minute.
Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
I hate the pollyanna pest who says that all is for the best.
In a body (like Congress) where there are more than one hundred talking lawyers, you can make no calculation upon the termination of any debate.
Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.
Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.
Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them.
Since I am used to speaking in public, I know that it is useless.
The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.
The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.
Then here's to the City of Boston,
The town of the cries and the groans,
Where the Cabots can't see the Kabotschniks,
And the Lowells won't speak to the Cohns.
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country really needs is a good five-cent nickel.
There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.
To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
Too much Truth Is uncouth.
When a man you like switches from what he said a year ago, or four years ago, he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough to change his mind with changing conditions. When a man you don’t like does it, he is a liar who has broken his promises.
When the political columnists say 'Every thinking man' they mean themselves, and when candidates appeal to 'Every intelligent voter' they mean everybody who is going to vote for them.
Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
You do not know what you can miss before you try.