Richard Samet "Kinky" Friedman (born November 1, 1944) is an American Texas Country singer, songwriter, novelist, humorist, politician and former columnist for Texas Monthly who styles himself in the mold of popular American satirists Will Rogers and Mark Twain. He was one of two independent candidates in the 2006 election for the office of Governor of Texas. Receiving 12.6% of the vote, Friedman placed fourth in the six-person race. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A choice between Democrats or Republicans is like a choice between paper or plastic.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
A lot of politicians manage to be important without being significant.
Always respect your superiors, if you have any.
An artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.
But if you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.
Cats, as a rule, don't like lawyers. They have great insight into human character.
Elected officials should be limited to two terms: one in office and one in prison.
Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her S**t.
Everybody I admire died with no money.
Everything great was created by people who don't feel well.
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
I don't apologize to people with an agenda.
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
I'd often felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.
I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
If you don't love Jesus- go to hell!
If you fail at something long enough you become a legend.
If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.
Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
No one's ever won the human race, but guys like Abbie Hoffman sometimes make it fun to watch. Every hamster doesn't ride the wheel.
On the whole, I preferred cats to women because cats seldom if ever used the word "relationship."
Politics is the only field of human endeavor where the more experience you have, the worse you get.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring himself in the mirror.
The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
There are no good lawyers. There may be lady wrestlers and Catholic universities. There may be military intelligence. But a good lawyer is a contradiction in terms.
They say God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.