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You've been warned
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Published Thursday, June 27, 2013 @ 10:03 AM EDT
Jun 27 2013


Categories: Twinkies


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Tweets from on high or something like it
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Published Thursday, June 27, 2013 @ 7:39 AM EDT
Jun 27 2013

If you're on Twitter and are not easily offended, consider following TheTweetofGod...

Anyone who thinks human life is sacred to Me has never read the Bible. That thing makes Tarantino look like Disney.

Life is a struggle not between good and evil, but between those who see it that way and those who don't.

Well I've lost faith in you, too.

From now on I'd like to be called P. Deity.

Paula Deen saying all that matters is "what's in your heart" is cardiologically hilarious.

Wow, I really enjoyed deciding who won that game.

The big difference between me and Kanye is I impregnated a virgin, whereas Kanye... well, did not.

Sometimes Jesus asks himself, "What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?"

You're welcome, Phil.

I could totally beat Superman in a fight.

"Despicable Me 2" was My original title for the New Testament.

I support marijuana. I created it for you. In fact the Garden of Eden was full of it. That was Eve's downfall. She got the munchies.

I find the vast majority of you profoundly unpleasant.

Lying makes Jesus cry. Stealing makes Jesus cry. Jaywalking makes Jesus cry. A real pussy, that kid.

There is a book with stories about incest, genocide, rape and crucifixion in almost every hotel room in the world.

I designed the sun to be 100% solar-powered. #green

My love for you is unconditional, provided you do and think exactly as I say.

Please stay safe, Oklahoma, because evidently I'm angry at you again for absolutely no reason.

The twist ending to M. Night Shyamalan's career is that it turns out it was dead the whole time.

When I work in mysterious ways it's called grace. When you work in mysterious ways it's called grounds for termination.

The first person to call you a jerk is probably just jealous, but the hundredth may be on to something.

Yes!!!
@TheTweetOfGod 723.9K followers
@RichardDawkins 723.6K followers
Believe in THAT, Dick!
It's no "delusion"!
I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!


Categories: Quotes on a topic, Twitter


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