Today marks the 105th anniversary of the first observance of Mother's
Day, which is a subtle way to remind you that you have just two days to
get a card, and the most of the good ones are already gone. That's okay,
don't worry about it. I'm just a bit disappointed in you.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A grandmother will put a sweater on you when she is cold, feed you when
she is hungry, and put you to bed when she is tired.
A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning
-Dorothy Canfield Fisher
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden,
fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends
who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens
around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts
and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to
return to our hearts.
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and
by car forever after.
-Peter de Vries
All mothers are working mothers.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does.
That is his.
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. (Spanish Proverb)
Anything that makes your mother cry is fun.
Being a mother is a noble status, right? So why does it change when you
put "unwed" or "welfare" in front of it?
Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.
Consult a real expert: call your mother.
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from
drowning them at birth.
-Robert A. Heinlein
Every mother is like Moses. She does not enter the promised land. She
prepares a world she will not see.
-Pope Paul VI
Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequences than to
have a really affectionate mother.
-W. Somerset Maugham
God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once. Then he
invented guilt, because mothers couldn't be everywhere at once.
I don't always enjoy being a mother. At those times my husband and I hop
up somewhere in the wine country, eat, drink, make mad love and pretend
we were born sterile and raised poodles.
I have always admired the Esquimaux. One fine day a delicious meal is
cooked for dear old mother, and then she goes walking away over the ice,
and doesn't come back.
I would have gone home to my mother, but I'm not that crazy about my
If nothing is going well, call your grandmother.
Just about the time a woman thinks her job is done, she becomes a
-Edward H. Dreschnack
Mother is a verb, not a noun.
Mother told me a couple of years ago, "Sweetheart, settle down and marry
a rich man." I said, "Mom, I am a rich man."
Motherhood is the strangest thing, it can be like being one's own Trojan
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President but they don't
want them to become politicians in the process.
-John F. Kennedy
Mothers are all slightly insane.
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young. (T- shirt)
My grandmother gave me five dollars and said, "Don't tell your mother."
I told her, "It's going to cost you more than that."
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.
She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
My grandmother wanted me to have an education, so she kept me out of
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands. Two of
them were just napping.
My grandmother was insane. She had pierced hearing aids.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one
day have to potential to be the comic stories the next.
My mother's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
My mother's obsession with the good scissors always scared me a bit. It
implied that somewhere in the house there lurked: the evil scissors.
No man is responsible for his father. That is entirely his mother's
Sometimes you need a B-2 bomber and sometimes you need your mother.
The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will
always find forgiveness.
-Honore de Balzac
The key to living a moral life is this: Do nothing in private that you
would be ashamed to discuss openly with your mother.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she
served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
The only thing that seems eternal and natural in motherhood is
The proliferation of support groups suggests to me that too many
Americans are growing up in homes that do not contain a grandmother.
Things get very lonely in Washington sometimes. The real voice of the
great people of America sometimes sounds faint, and sometimes sounds
distant in that strange city. You hear politics until you wish that both
parties were smothered in their own gas.
This is the reason why mothers are more devoted to their children than
fathers: it is that they suffer more in giving them birth and are more
certain that they are their own.
To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother.
Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's
love is not.
When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not
mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music
that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling
down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from
supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice
president of the United States.
Wise children always choose a mother who was a shocking flirt in her
maiden days, and so had several offers before she accepted their
-James M. Barrie
Women who miscalculate are called "mothers."
You never get over being a child, long as you have a mother to go to.
Your mother knows how to push your buttons because she installed them.
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