Andy Borowitz:
The war in Iraq is over, Osama bin Laden is dead, and Charlie Sheen is off Two and a Half Men.
The S & P 500 just hit a 4-year high, which means Obama is the crappiest socialist in history.
John Fugelsang:
People who say Obama mentions bin Laden too much would prefer something more subtle, like wearing a flight suit.
Gov Brian Schweitzer says 'that dog don't hunt.' He don't ride inside the car, either.
Categories: Andy Borowitz, John Fugelsang, Quotes of the day
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