You know what would be funny? If the Olympic refs went on strike and someone from real estate had to judge diving.
-Albert Brooks @AlbertBrooks
If someone knows where Vince McMahon is, let him know the NFL could use a leader with integrity to protect their sport.
-Michael Naidus @michaelnaidus
So the NFL with replacement refs is now like a card game with Jokers included as wild cards- every ten plays or so it just makes no sense.
-Bill Maher @billmaher
Don't believe what the government doesn't tell you.
-"Agent Smith" @TSAgov
Romney says if Iran develops a nuclear weapon "I would respond with the strongest possible tax cuts."
-Andy Borowitz @BorowitzReport
People who didn't mind a POTUS reading "My Pet Goat" while the US was attacked are furious a POTUS would go on "The View."
-John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
"Study Divides Breast Cancer Into Four Distinct Types." Insured, Uninsured, Good Luck and Romney Emergency Room Care.
-Elayne Boosler @ElayneBoosler
I'm not the type to "rise above". I'd rather meet face to face, no matter how low I must stoop.
-Ellen Barkin @EllenBarkin