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Quotes of the day
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Published Wednesday, August 22, 2012 @ 6:53 AM EDT
Aug 22 2012

Quotes of the day- Dorothy Parker:
 
Dorothy Parker (August 22, 1893 - June 7, 1967) was an American poet, short story writer, critic and satirist, best known for her wit, wisecracks, and eye for 20th century urban foibles.

From a conflicted and unhappy childhood, Parker rose to acclaim, both for her literary output in such venues as The New Yorker and as a founding member of the Algonquin Round Table. Following the breakup of the circle, Parker traveled to Hollywood to pursue screenwriting. Her successes there, including two Academy Award nominations, were curtailed as her involvement in left-wing politics led to a place on the Hollywood blacklist.

Dismissive of her own talents, she deplored her reputation as a "wisecracker." Nevertheless, her literary output and reputation for her sharp wit have endured. (Click for full article.)

A girl's best friend is her mutter.

Age before beauty... and pearls before swine.

All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.

As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.

Authors and actors and artists and such
Never know nothing, and never know much.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)

Ducking for apples- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

Every love is the love before
In a duller dress.

Every year back comes Spring, with nasty little birds, yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd have been better without:
love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

Her golden rule is plain enough -
Just get them young and treat them rough.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I'd be darling at it.

I hate women. They get on my nerves.

I hate writing, but I love having written.

I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I should have stayed at home for dinner. I could have had something on a tray. The head of John the Baptist, or something.

I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. But if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me... I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

If I had any decency, I'd be dead. Most of my friends are.
(at age 70)

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
(Upon entering the hospital for an abortion.)

It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay a hat and a few friends.

It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

Oh, seek my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday,
Go take your damned tomorrow!

People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;
God, for a man that solicits insurance!

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

She looks like something that would eat its young.

She wore a low but futile decolletage.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.

The girl speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

The place was filled with people who looked as if they had been scraped out of drains.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.”

There are those who, in their pride and their innocence, dedicate their careers to writing humorous pieces. Poor dears, the world is stacked against them from the start, for everybody in it has the right to look at their work and say, "I don't think that's funny."

They sicken of the calm, who know the storm.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

What fresh hell can this be?

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.


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