A black man voting for the Republicans makes about as much sense as a
chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.
-Buddy Watts, Sr.
A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but
lets them have a last “make a wish.”
A democratic government is the only one in which those who vote for a
tax can escape the obligation to pay it.
-Alexis de Tocqueville
A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a
message. Apparently that message is, “Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.”
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one
for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected.
A society is not “free” merely because the freedoms the people are doing
away with are those they voted at the last election to do without.
-William F. Buckley, Jr.
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-O. Henry (William Sydney Porter)
Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may
cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.
-John Quincy Adams
America is a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for
democracy- and won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a
sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.
And by the way, I've about had it with this “greatest generation”
malarkey. You people have one stock market crash in 1929, and it takes
you a dozen years to go get a job. Then you wait until Germany and Japan
have conquered half the world before it occurs to you to get involved in
World War II. After that you get surprised by a million Red Chinese in
Korea. Where do you put a million Red Chinese so they'll be a surprise?
You spend the entire 1950s watching Lawrence Welk and designing tail
fins. You come up with the idea for Vietnam. Thanks. And you elect
Richard Nixon. The hell with you.
Any sufficiently advanced coup is indistinguishable from an election.
-John Alejandro King (The Covert Comic)
Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at
great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates.
Applause, mingled with boos and hisses, is about all that the average
voter is able or willing to contribute to public life.
As people do better, they start voting like Republicans... unless they
have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be
too much of a good thing.
As societies grow decadent, the language grows decadent, too. Words are
used to disguise, not to illuminate, action: you liberate a city by
destroying it. Words are to confuse, so that at election time people
will solemnly vote against their own interests.
Ask a man which way he is going to vote, and he will probably tell you.
Ask him, however, why, and vagueness is all.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
-George J. Nathan
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on
what to have for dinner.
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment
by the corrupt few.
-George Bernard Shaw
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to
find out if the polls were right?
Domestic policy can only lose elections. Foreign policy can kill us.
-John F. Kennedy
Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even.
Don't vote. It only encourages them.
During an election campaign the air is full of speeches and vice versa.
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
Elected officials should be limited to two terms: one in office and one
Election year is that period when politicians get free speech mixed up
with cheap talk.
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote
against somebody rather than for somebody.
-Franklin P. Adams
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is
Free elections, a free press and an independent judiciary mean little
when the free market means they are on sale to the highest bidder.
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
Give voters a choice between a Republican and a Republican, and they
will choose a Republican every time.
-Harry S Truman
Given a choice between two bald political candidates, the American
people will vote for the less bald of the two.
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than
Christianity has made them good.
Half the American people never read a newspaper. Half never vote for
President- the same half?
Here's the thing about rights. They're not supposed to be voted on.
That's why they call them rights.
I didn't vote for change, but that's all I have left.
I mean to live my life an obedient man, but obedient to God, subservient
to the wisdom of my ancestors; never to the authority of political
truths arrived at yesterday at the voting booth.
-William F. Buckley, Jr.
I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all,
we've been voting for boobs long enough.
I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans
were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting
yourself in the head to stop your headache.
I will feel equality has arrived when we can elect to office women who
are as incompetent as some of the men who are already there.
I'll be glad to either reply to or dodge your questions, whichever I
think will help our election most.
-George Herbert Walker Bush
I'm sorry, but voting for a presidential candidate because you like the
choice for vice president is like getting married to a woman because you
like her cat.
-Kevin G. Barkes
If elected, I will win.
If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected
swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side.
-Orson Scott Card
If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
If you don't vote, then you may be leaving the decisions up to someone
dumber than you.
If you make less than $50,000 a year and vote Republican, you are a
If you voted for change, you better start counting it.
If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on
who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock
stars? Because we're morons.
In 1929 the wise, far-seeing electors of my native Hereford sent me to
Westminster and, two years later, the lousy bastards kicked me out.
In a democracy, the votes of the vicious and stupid count. On the other
hand, in any other system, they might be running the show.
-(from The Boston Globe)
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone
from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in
twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
In nature, stupidity gets you killed. In the workplace, it gets you
fired. In politics, it gets you re-elected.
In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents,
worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of
office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate
In our system, at about 11:30 on election night, they just push you off
the edge of the cliff and that's it. You might scream on the way down,
but you're going to hit the bottom, and you're not going to be in
In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the
electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate.
-Charles de Gaulle
It doesn't matter who you vote for, the government always gets in.
It makes no difference who you vote for- the two parties are really one
party representing four percent of the people.
It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting.
Like the effect of advertising upon the customer, the methods of
political propaganda tend to increase the feeling of insignificance of
the individual voter.
Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights.
Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have
My favorite time in the cycles of public life is the time when the Pope
is dead and they haven't elected a new one. There's no one in the world
who is infallible for those weeks. And you know, I don't miss it.
Never pass up an opportunity to appear on C-Span. C-Span viewers vote.
Never vote for the best candidate. Vote for the one who will do the
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard
working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all
the publicity. But then, we elected them.
No amount of charters, direct primaries, or short ballots will make a
democracy out of an illiterate people.
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a
-Mark B. Cohen
Once there were two brothers: one ran away to sea, the other was elected
Vice-President- and nothing was ever heard from either of them again.
Our elections are free, it's in the results where eventually we pay.
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an
-Otto von Bismarck
People vote their resentment, not their appreciation. The average man
does not vote for anything but against something.
-H.H. Munro (Saki)
Politics is how you live your life, not whom you vote for.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.
Son, if you can't take their money, drink their whiskey, screw their
women, and then vote against 'em, you don't deserve to be here.
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with
the average voter.
The difference between a politician and a statesman is: a politician
thinks of the next election and a statesman thinks of the next
-James Freeman Clarke
The difference between a real horse race an election is that in a horse
race the whole horse wins.
The difference between corporations and governments is governments have
a monopoly on force. It's a lot easier to vote with your feet or your
wallet than it is to change a government with your vote.
The good news is I'm leading in the polls. The bad news is the election
-George W. Bush
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to
do something stupid.
The methods now being used to merchandise the political candidate as
though he were a deodorant positively guarantee the electorate against
ever hearing the truth about anything.
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep
in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
The only difference between [George W.] Bush and [Adolf] Hitler is that
Hitler was elected.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
The only way to win an election by a greater margin than Saddam Hussein
in Iraq is to be a Democratic candidate in Chicago.
-John Alejandro King (The Covert Comic)
The organization of American society is an interlocking system of
semi-monopolies notoriously venal, an electorate notoriously
unenlightened, misled by a mass media notoriously phony.
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work; then
they get elected and prove it.
There's a true schizophrenia where if you say to voters, you know, do
you think the federal government spends too much money and they should
spend less, they say yeah, absolutely. Then you name specific things,
like Pell grants for students and they say, no, not that. How 'bout NIH,
medical research funding? Nah, you really shouldn't cut that. And pretty
soon you've proved that what the American public is against is
Things on the whole are much faster in America; people don't “stand for
election”, they “run for office.”
To talk of atomic energy in terms of atomic bombs is like talking of
electricity in terms of the electric chair.
-Peter L. Kapitza
Truth is not determined by majority vote.
Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying
to prove that the other party is unfit to rule-and both commonly
succeed, and are right.
Unfortunately, you can't vote the rascals out, because you never voted
them in, in the first place.
Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of
himself and a wreck of his country.
Voters quickly forget what a man says.
-Richard M. Nixon
Voting is like driving... you choose “D” to move forwards and “R” to go
We already know the winners of the next election. They'll be old white
men who don't care about you or your problems.
We elect Democrats to the Congress to give us stuff and we elect
Republicans to the White House so we don't have to pay for it.
We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
-Frank McKinney (Kin) Hubbard
What's real in politics is what the voters decide is real.
-Ben J. Wattenberg
Whenever a fellow tells me he is bipartisan, I know he's going to vote
-Harry S Truman
Why take a chance on a candidate who might lose? You can always buy them
after the election.
-Santo Trafficante, Jr.
Years ago, fairy tales all began with “Once upon a time...” Now we know
they all begin with “If I am elected.”
You know I could run for governor but I'm basically a media creation.
I've never done anything. I've worked for my dad. I worked in the oil
business. But that's not the kind of profile you have to have to get
elected to public office. (In 1989)
-George W. Bush
You will never escape the will of the mob. About the best anyone has
ever figured out to do is herd them into voting booths.
The people have spoken, the bastards.