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Father's Day warm-up...
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Published Saturday, June 18, 2011 @ 9:13 AM EDT
Jun 18 2011

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
-Unattributed

A realist is a man who insists on making the same mistakes his grandfather did.
-Disraeli, Benjamin

All fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the eye.
-Atwood, Martin

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
-Wadsworth, Charles

Diogenes struck the father when the son swore.
-Burton, Robert

Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.
-Mumford, Lewis

Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother, she looks like my father.
-Randall, Tony

Father's Day is like Mother's Day, except the gift is cheaper.
-Lieberman, Gerald F.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope.
-Cosby, Bill

Fathers have a unique and irreplaceable role in the lives of children.
-Bush, George W.

Fathers should neither be seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
-Wilde, Oscar

For years I thought my father was a hunchback. Turns out he didn't know suspenders were adjustable.
-Kelly, Bill

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
-Unattributed

Hello. My name is Oedipus. You are my father. Prepare to die.
-Lebovitz, Nancy

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
-Clark, Dick

I don't have prejudice against myself. My father was a white and my mother was black. Them call me half-caste or whatever. Me don't dip on nobody's side. Me don't dip on the black man's side nor the white man's side. Me dip on God's side, the one who create me and cause me to come from black and white.
-Marley, Bob

I once complained to my father that I didn't seem to be able to do things the same way other people did. Dad's advice? "Margo, don't be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep."
-Kaufman, Margo

If a child looks like his father, that's heredity. If he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
-Unattributed

If any question why we died, Tell them, because our fathers lied.
-Kipling, Rudyard

My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
-Milligan, Spike

My father was frightened of his father, I was frightened of my father, and I am damned well going to see to it that my children are frightened of me.
-King George V

My father's a proctologist. My mother is an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.
-Bernhard, Sandra

My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was six.
-Alda, Alan

No man is responsible for his father. That is entirely his mother's affair.
-Turnbull, Margaret

Noble fathers have noble children.
-Euripides

Rich men's sons are seldom rich men's fathers.
-Kaufmann, Herbert

The similarities between me and my father are different.
-Berra, Dale

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.
-O'Malley, Austin

This is the reason why mothers are more devoted to their children than fathers: it is that they suffer more in giving them birth and are more certain that they are their own.
-Aristotle


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