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Political Jokes of the week
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Published Friday, January 14, 2011 @ 8:53 AM EST
Jan 14 2011

The week's best late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.Com.

"Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'"
-Jay Leno

"Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House next week. The good news is, he has no plans to foreclose. We can stay another month."
-Jay Leno

"Last night was possibly the last show ever of 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,' for several reasons. She might run for President and would have to abide by the equal time rules. Also, she just likes to quit things."
-Jimmy Kimmel

"When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States."
-Jay Leno

"Sad news. It looks like 'Sarah Palin's Alaska' won't be back for a second year. How does that make her feel? She was governor, almost vice president. She gets one year. Snooki's on her third year."
-Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin should pick The Situation from 'Jersey Shore' as her vice president. That way, we can get rid of two reality shows at once."
-Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin knows angry speech isn't a call to violence. Unless it's angry speech directed at Sarah Palin in which case it is a call to violence."
-Stephen Colbert

"Police are looking for a man in Phoenix who robbed a bank and told the teller he wanted the money in twenties, forties and sixties. Authorities believe he could be one of President Obama's economic advisers."
-Jay Leno

"John Edwards has denied 'The National Enquirer' story that he asked his mistress to marry him. Who are you gonna believe, the sleazy purveyor of lies or 'The National Enquirer'?"
-Jay Leno

"A new study shows that a woman's tears can chemically lower the level of testosterone in a man. When that happens, the man will also start to cry and then eventually be elected speaker of the House."
-Jay Leno

"San Francisco celebrated the opening of the nation's first gay history museum. The museum is called 'San Francisco.'"
-Conan O'Brien

"The blizzard was three hours of howling wind- kind of like Rush Limbaugh's radio show."
-Conan O'Brien

"It would be really nice if the ramblings of crazy people didn't in any way resemble how we actually talk to each other on TV. Let's at least make troubled individuals easier to spot."
-Jon Stewart, reflecting on vitriolic political rhetoric in the wake of the Arizona shooting


Categories: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert


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