Visit Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog for his weekly round-up of late night political humor.
President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he's being very
candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while
he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn't had a couple of
drinks and invaded Iraq?
-David Letterman
President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to
keep traveling until he finds his birth certificate.
-David
Letterman
Twenty-thousand Indonesians protested President Obama's visit to
Indonesia. Apparently, three out of four Indonesians believe he's an
American.
-Conan O'Brien
President Obama was in Indonesia today, and he spent a lot of his
childhood there. It was like Dick Cheney going back to visit the Death
Star.
-Craig Ferguson
One of Obama's childhood friends said he was chubby and ran like a duck.
I think that proves he's not Kenyan. That's as American as it gets.
-Jimmy
Kimmel
Bristol Palin has made it to the semi-finals of 'Dancing with the Stars.' I'm not saying she's going to win, but if there's one thing she's known for it's going all the way." —Jimmy Fallon
What if Bristol Palin wins 'Dancing with the Stars?' How afraid can
America be of her mother? She can't dance. She's not a star. The only
part of the show that applies to her is the 'with the.' I wouldn't have
believed that a dancing competition could make me question whether I
really live in a democracy or not.
-Jimmy Kimmel
I read Bush's memoir, and I have to say, the book is way better than the
Presidency.
-Jimmy Fallon
In his new book, George W. Bush says he's happy to be out of Washington.
Well, it's unanimous.
-David Letterman
George W. Bush says he is glad to be out of the Oval Office because he
doesn't have to think all the time. And I'm thinking wait a minute, that
was him thinking all the time? Really?
-David Letterman
In the book Bush says that he lost respect for John McCain when he
selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. This from a guy whose running
mate shot a buddy in the face.
-David Letterman
President Bush is back. And people really seem to love that new red
beard. But he's getting criticism. John Boehner, new Speaker of the
House, says Bush doesn't care about orange people.
-David Letterman
The Pentagon says it doesn't know who is responsible for launching a
missile off the California coast on Monday. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia
can't believe the awesome new video game they just found in the White
House.
-Jimmy Fallon
JetBlue is appointing retired Gen. Stanley McChrystal to its board of
directors. That's who I want looking for my missing luggage- the guy
who's been trying to find bin Laden for ten years.
-Jimmy Fallon
A company in China is selling a President Obama blow-up sex doll. Don't
get too excited. It turns out most of its positions are very unpopular.
-Jimmy
Fallon
Republicans fresh off their victory on Election Day say their first
priority will be to dismantle the new health care law. And believe me,
there's nothing people without a job love more than less health care.
-Jay
Leno
Hillary Clinton says she will not run again for President. Your move,
Brett Favre. ... When Hillary says she's not running, is she really not
running? Or just pulling a Leno?
-David Letterman
President Bush told Matt Lauer the most embarrassing thing he ever did
drunk was ask a friend of his parents what sex was like after 50. That's
nothing. John McCain asked Sarah Palin to be his running mate when he
was sober.
-Jay Leno
Categories: Craig Ferguson, Political Jokes of the Week, Quotes of the day
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