Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  26,941 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

Google
 
kgbreport.com Web


(July 2000 and earlier)


Saturday, April 04, 2009

It was 45 years ago today...

The Beatles had 12 songs on the Billboard Top 100, including the first five positions on the chart: Can't Buy Me Love, Twist and Shout, She Loves You, I Want to Hold Your Hand, and Please Please Me.

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Friday, April 03, 2009

Trouble in River City II

Swapping drives didn't help. With the backup drive in place, the machine displays a black screen with a blinking cursor.

I removed the backup drive, stuck it in a USB adapter and connected it to my main system. It mounted and has a valid file system. What it doesn't appear to have is a valid master boot record anywhere.

I use the same software for disk-to-disk backups on both machines, and I know it produces bootable copies. The only difference is the main machine runs XP Pro, the dead one runs Vista Home Premium.

Since the recovery partitions on both disks appear to be hosed, I'm going to have to find the boot CDs for the Gateway, which means excavating the office. Oh well, it'll give the dogs something to do. They love to dig.

By the way, I think the seven shelties are absorbing me into the pack. I woke up this morning on the floor in the living room sandwiched between Deja and Sasha, with Quark lying with his head on my legs and our evil cat, Pumpkin, sitting on the coffee table and staring at me like I was insane.

Incidentally, dog biscuits really aren't that bad, if they're plain Milk Bones. The generic ones leave a rather unpleasant aftertaste.

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Trouble in River City...

For the third time in as many months, I've had a Windows-based PC render itself inoperable.

Cindy's Vista machine suddenly became incapable of installing new software in any form, a problem probably attributable to a badly-designed software installation package accidentally overwriting critical system files with damaged or outdated copies.

My XP Pro laptop finally sucumbed to Microsoft's superb software implementation of the second law of thermodynamics. The entropy level of the registry finally reached a level of chaos so profound that it totally consumed all available cpu cycles on the machine.

Yesterday, the wireless network connection in the media laptop started acting strangely, and one of Window's diagnostic tools strongly recommended I run Microsoft Update and obtain the latest version of the wireless device driver.

First I ran Windows Restore to create a checkpoint to which I could recover in the event of trouble. Then I ran Microsoft Update, which downloaded and installed the new driver, which immediately blue screened and rendered the machine useless.

Hey, no problem. I booted into the Gateway diagnostic menu and ran Windows Restore to reinstate the machine's previously functional configuration. Nice try, Skippy. Windows Restore refused to run, complaining about insufficient disk space and/or corruption of the restore images.

Ok, be that way. Step two, run the utility which identifies missing or corrupted critical system files and replaces them. The program percolated for a few minutes, then displayed a notice it had fixed everything and was rebooting.

Of course, instead of the Windows startup screen, I saw:

BOOTMGR is missing
Press Ctrl+Alt+Delete to restart

I really don't need to tell what happens after performing the three finger salute, do I? The machine is in shampoo mode: lather, rinse, repeat.

I have an external backup disk I can swap in the morning, and with Mozy online backup, I'll have most everything restored by the end of the day. But there goes another eight hours of my life I'll never get back.

That's it. I'm going to sleep on the couch with the dogs. At least when they take a dump right in front of me, they have the decency to look as if they're sorry.

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

Just the facts...

Today's Jack Webb's birthday. I still catch Dragnet every day on the Retro TV network, and recall watching its second television incarnation with my grandmother in the late 60s.

It took a while for me to figure it out, but Webb's Sgt. Joe Friday had the same personal qualities of my other childhood hero, Superman. He was confident, competent, and totally incorruptible. And timeless. This monologue is 40 years old; change a few then-topical references, though, and you could drop it into a contemporary series. Except- you'd never find anyone who could deliver it as well.

 

"Are they, Father?"

Fresh from hulu.com, my favorite Dragnet episode. This version is called "The Christmas Story" and is a remake of an episode from the original 50s' series called "The Big Little Jesus".

Ok, it's pure, unadulterated corn. And it gets me every time.

 

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Quote of the day

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain

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------------------- (!) -------------------

http://www.baconsaltblog.com/2009/03/our-newest-product.html

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Review of the day

"In short, (William A. Dembski's) No Free Lunch is completely worthless, except as a work of pseudo-scientific rhetoric aimed at a mathematically unsophisticated audience which may mistake its mathematical mumbo jumbo for genuine erudition. However, since I have been urged to find something positive to write about it, I am pleased to be able to report that the book has an excellent index."
-Richard Wein

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

True geeks

Note that ThinkGeek.com's order numbers are in hexadecimal.

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Chart of the day

Just don't get me started.

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Technology is our friend

song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs

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Sunday, March 29, 2009

The face behind the voice...

Astrud Gilberto, whose The Girl from Ipanema, was Grammy's Record of the Year in 1965, is 68 today.

(Incidentally, the Best New Artist of 1965 was The Beatles.)

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

commentwear


Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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