Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


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"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


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Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Quote of the day

To believe, suspend disbelief. We have been through this before, the flags and fine speeches, the brass donkey paperweight, the glass elephant, the rise and fall of administrations, the coming and going of figures great and small. It's good to put that aside for a few days, to remove yourself from politics, partisanship and faction, to suspend your disbelief, to be grateful that the signs and symbols endure, as does the republic, and raise a toast: "To the President of the United States."
-Peggy Noonan (in The Wall Street Journal, 1/17/2009)

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Friday, January 16, 2009

Photo of the day


"I know I appear to be a dedicated Shetland Sheepdog patiently
awaiting the return of my beloved master. However, in actuality,
my hairy butt happens to be frozen to the freaking ground."

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I got yer wind chill right here, pally...

The surface temperature of an object will never be lower than the actual air temperature. If it's 0°F and the wind is 20 mph, your automobile radiator's temperature will be 0°F, not -22° (the calculated wind chill temperature).

If it's windy, and the temperature is freezing, your skin will freeze faster, since the wind will cool off your skin more rapidly than your body can heat it. Sort of like blowing on your soup to cool it.

Wind chill is of primary concern to bald nudists and morons, who deserve to have body parts freeze and fall off if they're out in this weather without appropriate clothing.

NOAA redid the formula for wind chill calculation a few years ago, making the numbers less scary. The media didn't like that, since it made their Storm Team Severe Weather Apocalypse Now forecasts less intimidating. Be that as it may, the new formula for calculating wind chill is:

WCT = 35.74 + .6215T - 35.75(V.16) + .4275T(V.16)
WCT = Wind Chill Temperature. T = Temperature (F). V= Windspeed (miles per hour)

Surprisingly, I haven't heard any PennDOT weenies on television this morning talking about how road salt isn't effective when the temperature drops below 20°, their traditional excuse for not having enough trucks dumping enough salt.

The real dope on road salt...

Ever wonder why water freezes at 32° on the Fahrenheit scale, and not 0°?

32°F is the temperature at which fresh water freezes. 0°F is the temperature at which salt water freezes.

Provided enough salt is used on the road to fairly well saturate the snow and ice, it won't freeze until the temperature drops to within a few degrees of 0°F. The weather station on the back porch is reporting -7°F right now, so throwing salt won't do anything to clear the snow on the steps and sidewalk.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

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Quotes of the day

It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong.
-The Covert Comic

No, it is not cold enough for me. If it were cold enough for me, your mouth would be frozen shut.
-Unattributed

I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
-Richard Jeni

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Did we miss you?

Our post-wedding Open House is tomorrow, and the invitations went out a bit later than we'd hoped. If you didn't get yours, click on the "Comment" link beneath this post or the "e-mail KGB" link at the top of the page and send me a note. I'll get back to you with all the necessary info.

And for those of you who missed it, the wedding photos are here.

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

The word is given...


Ricardo Montalban

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

State of the Union... er, delusion...

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Video of the day

Ernie Kovacs, (January 23, 1919 - January 13, 1962)

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Monday, January 12, 2009

Quotes of the day

As wealth is power, so all power must infallibly draw wealth to itself by some means or other.

Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny.

Custom reconciles us to everything.

It is a general error to imagine the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare.

Our patience will achieve more than our force.

Public calamity is a mighty leveler.

The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.

The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients, and by parts.

When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.

You can never plan the future by the past.

Whenever a separation is made between liberty and justice, neither, in my opinion, is safe.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.

Mere parsimony is not economy. Expense, and great expense, may be an essential part in true economy.

Edmund Burke (January 12, 1729 - July 9, 1797)

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Quotes of the day

Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates (book title)

Politics isn't about left versus right; it's about top versus bottom.

When I entered politics, I took the only downward turn you could take from journalism.

-Jim Hightower (b. January 11, 1943)

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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