Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Saturday, December 06, 2008

Song of the day

Someone To Watch Over Me

There's a saying old
Says that love is blind -
Still we're often told,
"Seek and ye shalI find."
So I'm going to seek
A certain lad I've had in mind.

Looking everywhere,
Haven't found him yet;
He's the big affair
I cannot forget.
Only man I ever
Think of with regret.

>

I'd like to add his initials to my monogram.
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb.

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he
Turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me.

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood.
I know I could
Always be good
To one who'll watch over me.

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key.

Won't you telI him please
to put on some speed-
Follow my lead-
Oh! How I need
Someone to watch over me.
Someone to watch over me.

Music by George Gershwin,
Lyrics by Ira Gershwin (December 6, 1896-August 17, 1983)

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Friday, December 05, 2008

Shut up.

Happy birthday, Little Richard. No one does it like you.

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

Happy birthday...

... to Freddy "Boom Boom" Cannon, who turns 69 today.

(Trivia: the song "Palisades Park" was written by Chuck Barris.)

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Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Quote of the day

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
-Joseph Conrad (December 3, 1857-August 3, 1924)

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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Quotes of the day

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
-Marty Allen

Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist.
-Kenneth Boulding

In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from.
-Peter Drucker

Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers. Six, if one went to Harvard.
-Edgar R. Fiedler

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
-John Kenneth Galbraith

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters.
-Jean-Paul Kauffmann

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
-Laurence J. Peter

An economist's guess is as good as anyone else's.
-Will Rogers

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Monday, December 01, 2008

Quotes of the day

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I think that people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.

I took a speed-reading course and read "War and Peace" in 20 minutes. It involves Russia.

I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer, but I had some problems with buoyancy.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Life doesn't imitate art. It imitates bad television.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

My brain is my second favorite organ.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

Oh, now there's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever.

Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again.

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won't get much sleep.

There's nothing wrong with you that some Prozac and a polo mallet wouldn't fix.

-Woody Allen (b. December 1, 1935)

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Sunday, November 30, 2008

Quotes of the day

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Honesty is the best policy- when there is money in it.

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

-Mark Twain (November 30, 1835 - April 21, 1910)

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

commentwear


Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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