Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.
network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...
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no. we're not that kgb.
The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!
"No religious Test shall ever be required as a
Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the
Article VI, U.S. Constitution
Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000
Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000
"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"
Our riveting and morally compelling...
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
One of 23,848 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
They do it again...
The most devastatingly funny portion is 4:30 in...
Friday, September 05, 2008
Quote of the day
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Class of 2021
Granddaughter Leanna heads off for her first day of kindergarten.
Was that just five years ago? Sigh...
The "fake news" Daily Show exposes blatant hypocrisy. Do none of the "real" networks know how to catalog and edit video?
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
As the stomach turns...
All this Sarah Palin stuff is driving me nuts. I've always hated small town redneck melodramatic hypocrisy, and to see it displayed as somehow being admirable makes me ill.
Sorry, Obama, this isn't a matter of family privacy. Palin can't run on a platform of "family values" when the web is saturated with photos of her underage daughter swilling whiskey from the bottle; published statements where the governor opposes "explicit" sex education in favor of abstinence; and copies of line-item vetoes where she slashed funding for programs assisting unwed teen-aged mothers who were unfortunate enough not to be white, rich, and covered by mommy's taxpayer-funded health care insurance.
Of course, the rumors are that Palin's fifth child is actually her daughter Bristol's. The allegation is circumstantially supported by a family portrait in which the teen is either pregnant or has swallowed a cantaloupe whole, and a fortuitously-timed eight month absence from high school, supposedly due to mono.
What's most egregious is expecting any rational adult to believe that Palin, a woman in her 40s, pregnant with her fifth child- one with Down's Syndrome, no less- would be so stupid and irresponsible as to travel for 22 hours after her water broke, in order to deliver in a general hospital in the hinterlands of Alaska rather than admit herself to one of Houston's top medical centers.
So Palin drags out Bristol and claims the teen is five months pregnant, making it mathematically impossible for her daughter to be the true mother. How much you want to bet the daughter "prematurely" delivers a baby with a healthy, full-term birth weight? Too late, suckers... the election's over."
There's a very simple way out of this, one that would have eliminated the need to further shame her unwed pregnant teenage daughter. All Palin has to do is turn over copies of her medical records related to the delivery. Simple, direct, and the issue is closed forever. And it ain't gonna happen, because somewhere in that hospital is a health care professional with integrity who will refuse to play along.
I suspect there are things that will be revealed in the days to come that will curl our collective toes. And just remember, this is McCain's first big decision as a potential President. If he can't spot a hick poseur, how in the world can he be expected to run a country?
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
In a world without Don LaFontaine...
Movies and television won't be the same.
(August 26, 1940 - September 1, 2008)
Monday, September 01, 2008
VP pick is not her baby's mama?
Normally I just dismiss this kind of stuff out of hand, but the entire election has been veering dangerously toward Bizarroland, and this might just send it over the edge.
Who'd have thought Maury Povich might become essential to the candidate vetting process?
Quotes of the day
A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been willing to settle for less.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Thank God kids never mean well.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Remember, we're all in this alone.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
We're all in this alone.
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
When McCain makes his post-Gustav trip, remember:
Cartoon of the week
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All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
The email@example.com e-mail address is now something other than firstname.lastname@example.org saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used email@example.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that firstname.lastname@example.org was no longer email@example.com but rather firstname.lastname@example.org which is longer than email@example.com and more letters to type than firstname.lastname@example.org and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than email@example.com but actually just as functional as firstname.lastname@example.org? I sent e-mails from the email@example.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used firstname.lastname@example.org in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the email@example.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which firstname.lastname@example.org was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for email@example.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that firstname.lastname@example.org no longer is the email@example.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. firstname.lastname@example.org. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...
440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!
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