Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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miscellany

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Saturday, May 03, 2008

Birthday quote of the day

Technology will save us if it doesn't wipe us out first.
Pete Seeger (5/3/1919)

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Friday, May 02, 2008

Quote of the day

It's only fair that you get a tax break for contributing to your 401K. After all, you're donating money to poor people.
The Covert Comic

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Just another day in freaking paradise

I'm probably off the air until next Tuesday. Don't ask.

On the plus side, not many guys can make this look work.

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

On the first day of my vacation...

... while trying to connect to my work and home machines to check on mail and handle some essential items, my Vista laptop bluescreened. Four times.

Some might interpret this as a sign that I should unplug everything and just concentrate on more pleasant activities.

These are people who have never enjoyed the challenge of running system restore at 5 am in the morning and figuring out how to connect to the net via a weak wireless connection requiring micropositioning of the latop antenna and the strategic placement of various small metal objects to emulate a parabolic concentrator with rudimentary but effective enhanced signal phasing.

Hmm. Vacations can be fun...

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Use the Force, Fido...

Wow. This must have been shot with the world's smallest Steadicam...

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Monday, April 28, 2008

Silicon beatitude

I normally don't fix others' computers, but my minister is an exception.

It's a strictly quid pro quo arrangement. I explain how stuff works, and he indulges my interests in scripture interpretation. We've also used the time to assuage each other's frustrations over perceived lapses in our respective career training.

The situation's easier for me. I'm an autodidact, and whenever I'm challenged on a point I have no trouble locating resources to validate my position. My minister, on the other hand, had aced some accounting and business electives in addition to the traditional theological class load, but somehow graduated before learning to read Greek.

The business training has proven invaluable in providing financial counseling and in operating the church, but it frustrates him when a friendly debate over the true meaning of a scriptural passage ends with a condescending, "Ah, you need to read it in the original Greek."

I'm going to supply my pastor with some interesting articles and a book I discovered which make a very strong case that the original language in which the New Testament was written was Aramaic, not Greek. So his taunting classicists are getting it second-hand as well, which places him on a somewhat more level playing field. Everyone is getting this stuff second-hand, it would appear.

Our rambling conversations often result in unexpected epiphanies of sorts. As I helped him recover from a crash that had trashed the configuration of his network adapter, I noted that modern technology is predominantly based upon silicon semiconductors. Silicon, of course, is the primary elemental component of sand. So, in a somewhat twisted biblical sense, we've constructed our modern, computer-based civilization- our "house," if you will- on a very shaky foundation.

The "house upon the sand" reference is from Matthew 7, which is just chock-full of advice, much of it directly transferable to the world of software. My next door neighbor downloaded a free, user-friendly "anti-spyware" program that generates so many advertising-filled pop-up windows that his machine has been rendered almost useless. What was that verse? "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Yep, 100% CPU utilization, and the sand-based environment is pretty much washed away.

And as I finished up, making certain his browser security settings were correct, I suggested to the good pastor a slight tweak to another biblical admonishment: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you... but for heaven's sake, clean out the cache, will you? You have two male teenagers!"

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The Force is strong with this one...


"Must... control... jaws... of... death..."

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Sunday, April 27, 2008

Some fantasies should be reality...

David Kelley's shows are a bit too over-the-top for my taste, but from time to time he really nails it.

Speaking of which, it occurs to me that one of the reasons I find Obama so compelling is that he often sounds as if he's reading from an Aaron Sorkin West Wing script. If only we'd see a debate with an exchange like this.

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


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