Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  46,526 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

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kgbreport.com Web


(July 2000 and earlier)


Saturday, February 23, 2008

Quote of the day

Midlife crisis is what happens when you climb to the top of the ladder and discover that it's against the wrong wall.
-Joseph Campbell

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Refrigerator magnet of the day

I like to give home-made gifts. Which one of the kids would you like?

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Political quote of the day

The founders of Ben & Jerry's ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton. Which makes sense, because Baracky Road is a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits and Cream.
-Conan O'Brien

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Quote of the day

If you want to know what God thinks of National Intelligence Estimates, look at who He clears to read them.
-The Covert Comic

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Thursday, February 21, 2008

Quote of the day

The word meaningful when used today is nearly always meaningless.
-Paul Johnson

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The Net interprets censorship as damage...

... and routes around it.

A practical example of John Gilmore's observation is the Wikileaks site, which had its DNS records removed by court order, but is still accessible at its IP address, 88.80.13.160. Note that the news coverage by the mainstream media is -what a shock- incorrect. The Bush-appointed Court did not "shut down the site"... it just made it a bit more difficult to access. So much for the concept of free speech, though.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Headline of the day

Obama Calls Plagiarism Flap 'Best of Times, Worst of Times'
Tells Hillary: 'Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner'

The Borowitz Report

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"Some may never live, but the crazy never die."

With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market quotations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas.

Faster, faster, till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death.

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.

I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.

In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upwardly mobile.

Old elephants limp off to the hills to die; old Americans go out to the highway and drive themselves to death with huge cars.

Politics is the art of controlling your environment.

They don't hardly make 'em like him any more; but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.

Today's winners are tomorrow's blinking toads.

The music business is a cruel and shallow trench, a large hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.

There's no such thing as paranoia. The truth is, your worst fears always come true.

The only ones left with any confidence at all are the New Dumb. It is the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it. Doom is the operative ethic.

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.

If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.

Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent.

Last year's fun is today's crime. Even tying your shoes in an airport can get you locked up.

When the going gets tough, the weird turn pro.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun - for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax - This won't hurt. (suicide note)

Hunter S. Thompson, July 18, 1937 - February 20, 2005

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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Punch line of the day

First, assume a spherical cow of uniform density.

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Monday, February 18, 2008

Why we're doomed, #611

My mortgage company doesn't know how to spell "principal." I think. Or perhaps I inadvertently obtained one of those interest-only mortgages, and what they're collecting is a fee based upon the principle that any money I'm willing to send them, they can keep. Which would explain why they lost a couple billion in the subprime market last year...

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Places I really want to see, #23

And after leaving New Zealand, I'd swing through Tasmania to see the devils, then stop in Sydney on the way north to visit my buddy Bruno.

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

Secret of the day

More secrets at postsecret.blogspot.com.

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Quotes of the day

Matt Groening edition... for those who liked the Valentine's Day quote:

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

If Casper is a Friendly Ghost, where did they bury the body of Casper the Friendly Dead Kid?

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

commentwear


Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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