Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

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One of  27,797 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

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(July 2000 and earlier)


Saturday, June 09, 2007

T-shirt of the day

Bad grammar makes me sic.

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Friday, June 08, 2007

Set your Tivo

9 p.m. "The Untouchables"

Excessive government regulations hamper the entrepreneurial dreams of a hard-working Chicago family. (1987) Bravo.

(via the Marin Independent Journal)

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Lost in Translation

I think I'll keep the original KGB Report logo- it's almost ten years old now- but if you're looking for something cheap yet pretentious, Leslie's recommendation of the Offical Seal Generator site is right on target.

"Cacoethes scribendi," by the way, is Latin for "bad habit of writing." Even though I had three years of Latin in high school, Leslie's motto, "Haud backseat coegi licitus," has me a bit puzzled. I think it's supposed to mean "no backseat driving allowed," but the actual translation is closer to "no back seat getting together permitted."

In which case, you'd be better off with "Acquiro Cella," which means "Get A Room."

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Cartoon of the week

(The risks of being an identity thief...)


I don't care if it's not you. That's the
Social Security number you've been using.

(by Leo Cullum, published in The New Yorker on June 11, 2007)

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

Your grandfather's Star Trek

I'm speechless.

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Notable sound bites from Presidential candidate Fred Thompson

"I have called for a pardon for Scooter Libby. When you rectify an injustice using the provisions of the law, just as when you reverse an erroneous court decision, you are not disregarding the rule of law, you are enforcing and protecting it."
- Fred Thompson

Ok. So when do the impeachment proceedings begin?

"Turn around and call for back-up. We're going back to the tick-tock, to get the boo-boo!"
-Fred Thompson (as FBI Agent Dale Grissom in the 1994 film Baby's Day Out.

"Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan."
-Fred Thompson (as Rear Admiral Joshua Painter) in the 1990 film The Hunt For Red October.

"This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it."
-Fred Thompson (as Rear Admiral Joshua Painter) in the 1990 film The Hunt For Red October.

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Maybe I should re-read the documentation...

Obviously, my iPod must have some features I've overlooked.

(From a posting by "sparks47" on the alt.quotations Usenet newsgroup.)

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Quote of the day

(Following a report on Congressman William Jefferson, the New Orleans Democrat indicted on 16 counts of bribery and racketeering...)

On the down side, Jefferson faces 235 years in prison. On the up side, now we know what it takes for the federal government to pay some attention to a black man from New Orleans.
-Jon Stewart, on The Daily Show

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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

That's my story, and I'm sticking with it...

Newsweek, June 11, 2007 issue: When Jan Luedecke of Toronto was arrested and tried for sexual assault, he had an unusual defense--he did it in his sleep. Really. It may sound farfetched, but Luedecke, who was 33 at his 2005 trial, had a history of sleepwalking. On the night in question, he'd been drinking at a party and found himself sacked out on the couch with a woman he'd met there. Hours later, she jolted him awake and demanded to know what he was doing. Luedecke claimed he was unaware he was having sex with her. "Under the law, if there's no intent to commit a crime, you haven't committed a crime," says Dr. Colin Shapiro, director of the Youthdale Child and Adolescent Sleep Center in Toronto, who testified for the defense. Luedecke was acquitted (to the outrage of women's organizations in Canada), and the case is now on appeal.

(Full story here.)

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Sunday, June 03, 2007

Quote of the day, response to e-mail dept.

What does Karl Rove have to do with PT109? (I assume he's referring to this post.) Unless you just use anything to bash the current administration. If that is the case, then spongebob was not born either and you can use that to bash the Bush admin. Geeze the left. JKB

"Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own."
-Jonathan Swift

And a bonus bumper sticker of the day:

Honk if you can distinguish parody from satire.

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Hey, me too!

Lots of good ones this week at PostSecret.

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

commentwear


Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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