Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


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Saturday, April 07, 2007

Oh Moses, Moses... don't forget to set the Tivo tonight...

The Ten Commandments (1956) (51st anniversary!)
ABC: Saturday, April 7, 7:00 PM EDT
1956, G, ***1/2, 03:40, Color, English, United States

Moses (Charlton Heston) leads an exodus of those wacky Children of Abraham from Egypt to the Promised Land, complete with a pre-cgi- yet still unequalled- parting of the Red Sea, matte lines and all. Hilarity ensues as The Lord leads Moe and the gang on a 40-year meander through the desert, climaxing in Moses' demise just before their arrival in the only country in the Mideast without significant petroleum reserves. And some claim God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Cast: Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Edward G. Robinson, Anne Baxter, Yvonne De Carlo, Debra Paget, John Derek, Cedric Hardwicke, Nina Foch, Martha Scott, Judith Anderson, Vincent Price, John Carradine, Eduard Franz, Olive Deering, Donald Curtis, Douglas Dumbrille, Lawrence Dobkin, Frank DeKova. Watch for the cameo by Alfalfa of "The Little Rasacals."
Director(s): Cecil B. DeMille
Producer(s): Cecil B. DeMille

(I kid, but this is one of my favorite films and still the high-grossing film, adjusted for inflation, in its original release. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of airings I've missed since I've been a kid, even though I have it on laserdisc. For lots of interesting background and trivia on the making of this landmark film, go here, here, and here.)

Great quotes:

Memnet: What have you found?
Bithiah: The answer to my prayers!
Memnet: You prayed for a basket?

Sethi: Harden yourself against subordinates. Have no friend. Trust no woman.

Moses: The city is made of bricks. The strong make many, the starving make few, the dead make none. So much for accusations.

Nefretiri: You will be king of Egypt and I will be your footstool!
Moses: The man stupid enough to use you as a footstool isn't wise enough to rule Egypt.

Moses: Love cannot drown truth, Nefretiri.

Nefretiri: Oh Moses, Moses, you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!

Rameses: You have a rat's ears and a ferret's nose.
Dathan: To use in your service, son of Pharaoh.

Rameses: You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more-and trust you less.

Nefretiri: You need have no fear of me.
Sephora: I feared only his memory of you.
Nefretiri: You have been able to erase it?
Sephora: He has forgotten both of us. You lost him when he went to seek his god. I lost him when he found his god.

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Quote of the week

Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi went to Syria, and she said she found some common ground to talk about with the Syrians. I guess they told each other Bush jokes for a few hours.
-Jay Leno

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Full time geeks excluded?

I got a call from a marketing outfit working for Apple, apparently quizzing recent Apple TV purchasers about their experience with the product.

I was disqualified from participating in the survey, though, because I work for a company that's in the software business.

Which makes one wonder what Apple's trying to learn. People who work for hardware and software companies are traditionally among the earliest adopters of their new products and the group best suited to provide detailed observations and recommendations. I guess they're looking for avocational geeks, instead of the "pros."

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

More "Ow" than "Wow"...

The other weekend I found myself with a new laptop loaded with Windows Vista. The display sure is pretty, but what made the greatest impression on me was the 36 hours of pure torture I endured getting it to network with my other laptop running Windows XP.

I'll spare you the grisly details, but it took an enormous amount of Googling to discover that to get XP to talk with Vista, you must-- among other actions more or less documented by Microsoft-- change the Windows Registry entry for System/ Current Control Set/ Lsa/ Restrictanonymous REG_DWORD from 1 to 0 on the system running XP Pro.

Of course. What was I thinking? Everyone buying a machine loaded with Vista Home will be aware of the change needed to an obscure fourth-level system registry setting of a different machine running Windows XP Professional.

Incidentally, go to Microsoft's support site, enter the term Restrictanonymous and search the Windows Vista and Windows XP SP2 product databases. Nada.

During the period the two machines with Microsoft operating systems refused to communicate, my backordered Apple TV arrived. I plugged it in, followed the directions, and in under ten minutes it saw and was talking to both the Vista and XP machines, even though the laptops obstinately refused each other access to their drives.

Next time, it's definitely going to be a Mac.

Updated quote from the early 90s: "Calling Windows Vista Microsoft's most advanced operating system is like calling Moe the smart Stooge."

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Cartoon caption of the day

(Patient on couch to psychiatrist): The problem is that even though I'm one with the universe, the universe is clearly nuts.
"Salt & Pepper," The Wall Street Journal, 4/4/07

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Set your Tivo

8 p.m. "Hazard Pay"

In this new series, the host explores a new high-risk job each week. In this episode, he becomes a repo man, repossessing cars from deadbeat owners who may turn violent at any moment. Next week's even scarier- he's a substitute teacher in middle school. Discovery Channel.

(The Marin Independent Journal)

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Timid as a... oh, never mind.

You take your leashed dog and a bag of apples to South Park and you feed the deer. Pretty soon, they're no longer afraid of you.

Next year, they'll be in your car, rummaging through your glove compartment.

It's become such an intrinsic part of our daily constitutional, my dog Beanie doesn't even bark at them any more.

The squirrels still annoy her, though. And don't get her started on the ducks.

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Monday, April 02, 2007

Unsettling historical fact of the day

On this day in history 1,265 years ago was born Charlemagne, king of the Franks and the first emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, as well as a direct ancestor, according to Burke's Peerage, of Al Gore, which, now that it is mentioned, reminds QT that Shirley MacLaine claims to have slept with Charlemagne during one of her previous incarnations, which would seem to mean... but never mind.
(Zay N. Smith, Quick Takes, Chicago Sun-Times)

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Now we're getting somewhere...

Coffee, water, filters... who needs the hassle, especially on Monday mornings?

Fortunately, science prevails: inhalable caffeine!

All they need to do is come out with inhalable PopTarts and my life would be complete.

(From ThinkGeek, via Leslie)

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Sunday, April 01, 2007

Are you overstressed?

While emotional stress is easily identifiable, effective treatment is dependent upon accurately measuring stressor levels.

Take this easy stress level determination exam:

Get a piece of paper and a pencil. You will be asked to look at a photograph of two dolphins. The dolphins are, in fact, identical. However, their presentation has been subtly designed to assess the cognitive dissonance induced by stress.

Look at the photo, and note the differences you detect between the two dolphin images. If you see more than five, seek professional help immediately.

Ready? Okay, click here.

(Thanks to Richele Kayton

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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