Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

Da Burg Annat

I Have Issues

Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

He knows if yinz is a jagoff

Please support KGB Report by making your purchases through our affiliate link:

dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL

no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!

KGB, CIA linked

The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week

Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


Hard to describe.

"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite

Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  34,738 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

Google Web

(July 2000 and earlier)

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Didn't these idiots ever see Terminator 2?

"In response to this challenge, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is seeking innovative proposals to develop Chemical Robots (ChemBots): soft, flexible, mobile objects that can identify and maneuver through openings smaller than their static structural dimensions; reconstitute size, shape, and functionality after traversal; carry meaningful payloads; and perform tasks."

Extra points if you can get it to resemble Robert Patrick.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Goodbye, Calvert

Calvert DeForest
(aka Larry "Bud" Melman)

The first person viewers saw when they tuned in to the premiere of NBC's Late Night with David Letterman in 1982 was not Dave, but Calvert DeForest in the role of Larry "Bud" Melman. DeForest appeared as Melman until Letterman moved to CBS, when he used his real name after NBC asserted the Melman character was their intellectual property.

See the link on Calvert's name above for his bio. One interesting bit of trivia... Calvert's great uncle was Lee DeForest, the inventor of the three element vacuum tube. This breakthrough enabled the amplification of electronic signals and eventually led to the development of radio and television.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The annual Shatner birthday joke, a day early.

So you can impress your friends:

William Shatner will be 76 tomorrow.

His hairpiece will be 49.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Protest sign of the day

The Rapture Is Not An Exit Strategy
(Anti-war demonstration in Portland, OR last weekend, via H.E. Taylor on the alt.quotations Usenet newsgroup.)

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Quote of the day

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
-Mason Cooley

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Quote of the day

I mail myself a copy of the Constitution every morning just in the hope they'll open it and see what it says.
-Bill Maher (on the government reading e-mail)

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

The last two are dillies:

From Discovery Magazine's 20 Things You Didn't Know About... Lab Accidents:

19 The world has scores of superpowerful particle accelerators. Last year, a fireball created at the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider in Upton, New York, had the characteristics of a black hole. Physicists are reasonably sure that no such black holes could escape and consume Earth.

20 Reasonably.

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Copyright © 1987-2015 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The e-mail address is now something other than saga. used to be until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up and adopting created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the domain name in 1993, and had since that time used as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that was no longer but rather which is longer than and more letters to type than and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than but actually just as functional as I sent e-mails from the address to just about everybody I knew who had used in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that no longer is the they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...


Crystal Methodist

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

I am a professional. Do not try this at home.

I canna change the laws of physics

As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Left wing liberal nut job

Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.

Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?

Nutrition makes me puke

Feral Geek

eat wisely

Dyslexics have more fnu!

It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable

get kgb krap!

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