Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


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"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
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Geek of the Week


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miscellany

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

November 22, 1963

Two great men died on that date; the other was C.S. Lewis. Many were unaware of his passing for some time, given the news coverage of the JFK assassination.

The only way to appreciate Lewis is to read as much of him as you can. Here are just a few choice gleanings, which are actually much, much better in context:

Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. But of course, like autumn, it doesn't last.

A little lie is like a little pregnancy- it doesn't take long before everyone knows.

But probably every age gets, within certain limits, the science it deserves.

Democracy demands that little men should not take big ones too seriously; it dies when it is full of little men who think they are big themselves.

Do not let us mistake necessary evils for good.

For believers there are no questions, and for unbelievers there are no answers.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart.

I am often, I believe, praying for others when I should be doing things for them. It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see him.

I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realize what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks onto the stage, the play is over.

If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it's not so bad.

Never, never pin your whole faith on any human being; not if he is the best and wisest in the whole world. There are lots of nice things you can do with sand, but do not try building a house on it.

Nothing is more likely to destroy a species or a nation than a determination to survive at all costs.

Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.

Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.

She's the sort of woman who lives for others. You can tell the others by their hunted expression.

Suspicion often creates what it suspects.

We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

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Quote of the day

Women wonder why men aren't romantic; it's like wondering why your wonderfully playful dog who you kicked in the head last night when it tried to greet you at the door is looking rather sullen.
-Rob Earhart

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Quote of the day

On Friday in Washington, the FDA lifted its ban on silicone breast implants. One thing about those Democrats, they don't waste any time.
-Jay Leno

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Monday, November 20, 2006

Quote of the day

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
-Henry Kissinger

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Sunday, November 19, 2006

It had to be said...

An audiobook version of the Bible produced by the nephew of Motown legend Norman Whitfield, features an all African-American cast, including Samuel L. Jackson as the voice of God.

It's a reverent, superbly produced effort. Still, one could always hope that when Adam and Eve are cast out of the Garden of Eden, you would hear the awesome voice of God booming in background,

"I have had it with that m************ snake in my m************ garden!"

(via fark.com)

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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