Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Quote of the day

You won't find the answers by looking at the stars. It's a journey you'll have to take by looking inside yourself. You must write your own destiny...
-Dr. Virgil Swann (Christopher Reeve) in the television series Smallville

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Friday, June 23, 2006

Quote of the day

There has been a change at the White House. President Bush's speech writer is leaving the administration. His last words were, "Me go now."
-Conan O'Brien

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

If those WMD really do exist...

... as Senator Rick "Holy crap, I'm 18 points behind in the polls and I better do something" Santorum and the right wing Kool-Aid drinkers are claiming, don't you think the news would come directly from Bush or Rumsfeld or the military?

It's starting... panic is setting in, and Ricky's losing it. This is going to be an entertaining summer and fall.

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Total disconnect

A minimum wage worker earns about $11,000 a year. A family with two children, with a single parent working full time at a minimum wage job, is living almost $6,000 below the poverty line.

In the past decade, the annual salary of United States senators has increased by $30,000. During the same period, the minimum wage has remained frozen at $5.15 an hour.

Yesterday, the Republican-controlled Senate defeated a bill to raise the minimum wage.

It has more important issues to consider, like whether to pass a constitutional amendment making it illegal to burn the American flag.

As a compromise and generous demonstration of its bi-partisanship, the Republicans did, however, offer to reword their proposed amendment so that only flag burning as an expression of free speech will be prohibited. Flag burning for home heating purposes will be just fine, as long as it is preceded by a small ceremony including recitations of the Pledge of Allegiance, The Lord's Prayer, and a chorus of "God Bless the U.S.A."

---

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
-George Carlin

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And they don't wear helmets, either...

Cheetahs are world's fastest land animals, able to top 60 miles an hour (100 kilometers an hour).

But their speed, along with their tendency to fixate on their prey while giving chase, can prove fatal.

Cheetahs can be oblivious to hazards such as thorns and broken branches that hide in African grasslands. And headlong crashes can cause blindness or death.

(Which can have a negative effect on their contract negotiations with the NFL. Full cheetah story here.)

Superman-related item of the day:

"Spider-Man, Superman, Batman... men don't see these as fantasies, they see them as career opportunities."
-Jerry Seinfeld

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Quote of the day

Republicans in the Senate have given up on gay marriage. They are now working on banning flag burning. If we do this we will join the other three countries that don't allow flag burning: China, Cuba and Iran.
-Jay Leno

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Equal time

I tolerated the interminable Steelermania with only a few snarky comments. So I ask your indulgence for the next week, as I switch from urbane, sophisticated raconteur mode to blithering geeky fanboy mode, breathlessly awaiting the arrival of Superman Returns.

I already bought the tickets online, and I'm taking my kids- who are, by the way, 30 and 28- to the early premier next Tuesday night.

There are about a dozen clips from the film now available on the web, all of them jaw-droppingly stunning. Those youngish twits who dismiss the Man of Steel as an outdated, irrelevant boy scout lacking the dramatic inner conflict of "modern" superheroes will soon learn why he's still around after 70 years. In this age of cynicism and narcissistic self-absorption, the concept a pure hero- one whose values are never in doubt, whose internal struggles are based not upon choosing the lesser of two evils, but the greater of two goods- is undoubtedly strange and unnatural.

So, my apologies in advance for the week to come.

Superman-related item of the day:

Superman don't need no seat belt.
-Muhammad Ali
(To which a flight attendant supposedly replied, "Superman don't need no airplane, neither.")

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Time waster of the day

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Monday, June 19, 2006

Bookmark of the day

http://www.marinij.com/thattvguy, capsule reviews of the day's television that are often more entertaining than the programs themselves. Some samples:

8 p.m. "Touch the Top of the World"
The story of the first blind man to climb Mount Everest, as far as he knows. (2006) A&E Networks.

9 p.m. "Biography"
A look at the Dixie Chicks, whose good looks and alternative approach won them a big following in country radio before they mistook the "Land of the Free" for the "Land of the Free Confederate Flag Bumper Sticker for the 9th Caller." Biography Channel.

8:30 p.m. "Meerkat Manor"
It's like "Little House on the Prairie" if the Ingalls had been smaller and more weasel-like. Animal Planet.

8 p.m. "Fly with Me: The History of the Flight Attendant"
Tracing the history of the flight attendant profession from the days when they were attractive young women in alluring outfits to the present state of affairs in which we are glared at by prison guards in fast food uniforms. Discovery Times Channel.

And, this classic from a while back:

"The Wizard of Oz"
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

Father's Day

Today, father, is Father's Day,
And we're giving you a tie.
It's not much we know
It's just our way of showing you
We think you are a regular guy.

You say that it was nice of us to bother.
But it really was a pleasure to fuss,
For according to our mother,
You're our father,
And that's good enough for us.
Yes, that's good enough for us.
(by Harry Ruby, as performed by Groucho Marx)

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

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Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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