Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

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(July 2000 and earlier)


Saturday, April 08, 2006

You forgot Delusional...

The Seven Dwarves of Menopause: Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

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Friday, April 07, 2006

Somewhat more innocuous quote of the day...

Logic has no feelings.
-Henry Malmodin, Senior system developer
(via Ogge)

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Forgive me, for I have quoted...

An ounce of mother may be worth a ton of priest, but six inches of priest is now worth several million dollars.
The Covert Comic

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

It's all relative

In this morning's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Peter Leo notes in "The Morning File" column that the Germans have the highest IQs in Europe. Which reminds me of an observation by my friend, Dave McNeill: "No wonder the Germans thought they were the master race. They have France on one side and Poland on the other."

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Headline of the day

From The Onion:

Tom DeLay To Pursue Corruption In Private Sector

"...he looks forward to spending more time alienating his family and cheating on his wife."

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Quote of the day

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
-Steve Landesberg

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Quote of the day (inside joke edition)

Don't ask for a light load, but rather ask for a strong back.
-Unattributed

(Or a four-wheel dolly from Daniel's Hardware.)

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Coincidence?

From Zay Smith's QT column in the Chicago Sun-Times:

News Headline: "Indiana goes on daylight-saving time."

News Headline: "Suspected tornadoes sweep across Indiana."

Still awaiting word from Pat Robertson.

Mr. Smith has an interesting perspective. Commenting on a headline citing a study that churchgoers live longer, he observes, "Doesn't that mean people who don't go to church can get to heaven first?"

Incidentally, that 01:02:03 business I noted in a prior post was also in his column this morning, but Dave Anderson sent me the email first.

It would be much simpler if the guy who sits around and thinks up these things would just start his own blog. Then I could get some extra sleep in the morning instead of writing this stuff. Except now I know I'll be awake at 01:02:03 tomorrow morning...

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Set the alarm.

Early tomorrow morning, at two minutes and three seconds after one o'clock, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. (Thanks to Dave Anderson for pointing this out.)

If you're not a strict observer of military time, you can keep your sleep schedule intact and wait until 01:02:03 pm tomorrow afternoon. Purists will claim it's 13:02:03, but I've always found the concept of 13 o'clock to be somewhat unsettling.

If you use the alternate calendar notation method, tomorrow is 05/04/06, and you folks will have to wait until May 4.

Everyone clear? Everyone tingly with anticipation? Good. You're welcome.

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Monday, April 03, 2006

Quote of the day

It's a sad fact that fifty percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
-Richard Jeni

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Sunday, April 02, 2006

Quote of the day

The idea of Daylight Saving time is like trying to be taller by cutting off your head and standing on it.
-Unattributed

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

commentwear


Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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