Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

Da Burg Annat

I Have Issues

Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

He knows if yinz is a jagoff

Please support KGB Report by making your purchases through our affiliate link:

dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL

no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!

KGB, CIA linked

The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week

Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


Hard to describe.

"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite

Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  34,092 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

Google Web

(July 2000 and earlier)

Friday, August 12, 2005

Bush's poll numbers are down, so....

...let's have a terror alert based on "uncorroborated intelligence", which, come to think of it, pretty much describes the mental state of our clueless commander.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Thursday, August 11, 2005

Chim, Chim, Chimera

Human-brained monkeys? Well, they can't be worse than the monkey-brained humans who are currently running things.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Lies, damned lies and statistics...

Of the [207,000] new jobs [created in July], 26,000 (about 13%) are tax-supported government jobs. That leaves 181,000 private sector jobs. Of these private sector jobs, 177,000, or 98%, are in the domestic service sector.

Here is the breakdown of the major categories:

30,000 food servers and bar tenders;
28,000 health care and social assistance;
12,000 real estate;
6,000 credit intermediation;
8,000 transit and ground passenger transportation;
50,000 retail trade; and
8,000 wholesale trade.

(There were 7,000 construction jobs, most of which were filled by Mexicans immigrants.)

Not a single one of these jobs produces a tradable good or service that can be exported or serve as an import substitute to help reduce the massive and growing US trade deficit. The US economy is employing people to sell things, to move people around, and to serve them fast food and alcoholic beverages. The items may have an American brand name, but they are mainly made off shore. For example, 70% of Wal-Mart?s goods are made in China.

The full story here.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Picture of the week

Receiving a secret message on his Neocon NippleRadio®, conservative lackey Robert Novak leaves the set of CNN's "Inside Politics" before he can be asked embarrassing questions by Democratic operative James Carville, sporting the liberal ChromeDome Transceiver®.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Monday, August 08, 2005

Celestial symmetry

Saturday was one of those special celestial alignment days: one year since I bought a pair of everyday shoes and five years since I bought new underwear. So the missus and I repaired to the local Wal-Mart.

Normally I'm a Fruit of the Loom guy, but my loyalty had been shaken by some premature elastic failures in my last, circa-Y2K briefs acquisition. I'd never been a big fan of Hanes, until I spotted their latest marketing strategy: instead of useless combinations of two or three pair of briefs per bag, they had a jumbo collection of seven pair!

Obviously Hanes had tapped actual men when formulating their packaging scheme. A neat, shrink-wrapped set of seven pair! A perfect week! My advanced, stress-tested undergarment methodology is based upon a rigid two-week cycle of fresh briefs. The three pair per package approach always irritated me: two packages left me one day short of a week, and the purchase of five packages was wasteful, causing me to end the fortnight with an extra pair of undergutchies. I tried to rationalize the odd pair by referring to them as my fail-safe backup set, but that was just a self-delusional definition intended to soothe my obsessive-compulsive frustrations.

Ah, but this- this was perfect symmetry, at last! I immediately grabbed two packages, picked up a belt from the end cap on the aisle, and made a quick pass through the shoe department for a brand new pair of slip-resistant, oil-resistant, fat-guy-resistant TredSafe loafers, identical to the pair I purchased last year. Even better, the old ones are still in fairly decent shape, and they were immediately recommissioned into the Pittsburgh Yardwork Clothing Group, replacing a six year old set of grass-stained running shoes which had seen their best days.

My shopping was complete: five minutes, about sixty bucks and I was set for shoes through 2006 and underwear through the next decade.

No wonder women resent men. We have reduced shopping to the precise science it should be, a routine function not unlike shaving or bowel movements; activities that should be efficiently executed so that more time is available for important things, like hanging around the ladies' section of the store where the halter tops are on sale.


Kung Fu Monkey on intelligent design: "Everybody who wants to live in the 21st century over here. Everybody who wants to live in the 1800s over there. Good. Thanks. Good luck with that."


Quote of the day: "We in the press are often accused of hyperbole. Hype for short. We try to avoid it at all costs."-Peter Jennings


My dog, Beanie, has been terrified of fireworks and thunder ever since we made the mistake of taking her to my daughter's house one evening when there was a fireworks display at a nearby park. There are thunderstorms starting to roll through as I write this, so now I have a sixty pound canine in my lap with her head stuck in my right armpit. What a wuss. And thus endeth the blogging activity for this morning.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Copyright © 1987-2015 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The e-mail address is now something other than saga. used to be until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up and adopting created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the domain name in 1993, and had since that time used as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that was no longer but rather which is longer than and more letters to type than and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than but actually just as functional as I sent e-mails from the address to just about everybody I knew who had used in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that no longer is the they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...


Crystal Methodist

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

I am a professional. Do not try this at home.

I canna change the laws of physics

As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Left wing liberal nut job

Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.

Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?

Nutrition makes me puke

Feral Geek

eat wisely

Dyslexics have more fnu!

It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable

get kgb krap!

KGB Shirt