Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  28,761 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

Google
 
kgbreport.com Web


(July 2000 and earlier)


Friday, December 03, 2004

sheed gaskujem

So, the official dictionary folk have finally recognized the word "blog." Whoop-de-do.

Conventional print dictionaries just don't make it any more. English is evolving and mutating like a huge hunk of irradiated alien protoplasm in a bad 50s science fiction film.

I sat behind several teens on the train ride to my apartment in Chicago last night and had quite a scare. I thought they were speaking English- I mean, the rhythm and vowels were certainly familiar, but the word-like sounds they were uttering were beyond comprehension. For a few minutes, I thought I had had a stroke and had become aphasic.

Fortunately, I had stumbled upon www.urbandictionary.com a few weeks back. That's the source of the phrase above, and it's a great place to kill time. Just keep hitting the "random" button. But be aware this is definitely not a work-safe site. Some of the words and their meanings curl the toes.

Fo shizzle my nizzle, indeed.

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Thursday, December 02, 2004

Target vs Wal-Mart

You gotta admit, Target really seems to be branching out. Great price, too.

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Eyeballing it

I just got a new pair of glasses to counter my ever-worsening eyesight, and the new lenses are proving to be a giant pain in the ocular.

Knee-deep in presbyopia, the optometrist increased the power on both my distance and near-vision prescription. I've been wearing progressive lenses ("no-line trifocals") for four years with no problem, but adjusting to the new pair is proving difficult.

As the lens power increases in progressive lenses, so does peripheral blurring. I can see marvelously as long as I look straight ahead and move my eyes no more than 10 degrees in either direction. A sharp glance left or right, though, and it's suddenly the morning after $1 beer night at the corner pub.

At first I suspected the lenses were improperly ground, but a perusal of various web sites indicates that at the astronomical magnification levels I require, they're functioning just fine.

Oh well. If I can get used to deep-dish pizza, I can get used to anything.

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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Quote of the day

(Julia) Roberts named (her newborn twins) Hazel and Phinneas because she doesn't like children.
-Jon Stewart (on Comedy Central's Daily Show)

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When you're running late...

and don't have time to write anything, use a pic of the grandkid.

Bells

Works for me.

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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