Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


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He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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Thursday, May 06, 2004

Ramping Up...

Ah, the KGB 2004 World Tour begins. To Pittsburgh today, back to Chicago on Sunday, on Monday to Frankfurt, Tuesday to Berlin, Friday to Stuttgart, Saturday back to Frankfurt, Sunday back to Chicago, and the following Thursday to Pittsburgh again.

At least the miles will bump me up to the next frequent flyer level, where I get to sit in my own seat instead of in the magazine pocket of the one in front of me.

Re: the poison ivy. Less itchy, although I still need to wear long sleeved shirts to avoid having people point at me and yell "Unclean!" (Hmm. Maybe it's too early for a Ben-Hur reference). Anyway, I've decided I'm through screwing around with the yard. I hired mercenaries, college kids anxious to make some extra bucks this summer by killing indigenous plantlife. I'm looking forward to visiting that poison ivy patch later today. Or, more accurately, the place where it used to be, until my Coors-swilling business majors paid a little visit yesterday.

3:18 Chicago time, 4:18 Pittsburgh time. It's going to be a long day, and I just put on my shorts backward.

Later.

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Oh, that will really help

Is it a good idea to have Bush address the Arab news media? I mean, his news conferences here are generally abysmal displays of barely mastered rote responses.

And of course, there's the language problem Bush will have to face. The questions will be in English.

---

A trip to the doctor here in Chicago for more prednisone and a stronger topical cream for the poison ivy outbreak, and I'm no longer itchy. Now I'm itchy, nauseuous, sticky and smell vaguely like an institutional restroom.

Whoever sits next to me on the plane back to Pittsburgh tomorrow is in for a real treat.

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Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Thought for the day

"A year ago, I did give the speech from the carrier, saying that we had achieved an important objective, that we'd accomplished a mission, which was the removal of Saddam Hussein. And as a result, there are no longer torture chambers or rape rooms or mass graves in Iraq."-George W. Bush

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Monday, May 03, 2004

Bumper sticker of the day

Redefeat Bush

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Off to a running halt

I can't load up on diphenhydramine today, since my job requires mental agility more demanding than the ability to drool in my lap, so the poison ivy itch is back with a vengeance. I spent the weekend mostly itch-free but semi-comatose, a condition not tolerable for riding the CTA.

The $40/ounce Zanfel does work, but it provides maybe a maximum of 12 hours of relief. $80 a day is just a bit too steep for me. The itch is less intense and bothersome now; more like listening to MSNBC than FoxNews. I have a call into the doctor for more powerful drugs, and I see a specialist out here in Chicago tomorrow.

Still, the itch is distracting, interfering with my normal routine, which means I forget things. Like how to boot my comb.

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Sunday, May 02, 2004

Joke of the day

Q: What are they going to do if they catch Michael Jackson with another eight-year-old boy?

A: Give him his own parish.

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

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Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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