Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
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Saturday, January 24, 2004

So that explains it

My site had about 500 more hits than usual today; turns out there's a link from here.

It's supposed to be "pornograph" instead of "pornography", but hey, a link's a link.

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Makes sense to me.

Top 11 reasons to invade Mars.

From http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com

11. Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz believe our forces will be greeted with flowers when they arrive.

10. Once we kick the ass of the mythological god of war, the rest of the planets in the solar system will fall peacefully in line.

9. Running out of places to not find bin Laden, Anthrax killer, CIA agent name-leaker, etc..

8. Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal military dictator.

7. Owes Gore a Coke on the whole "global warming" thing.

6. If there was water on Mars, there might have been life. If there was life on Mars, then there must be dead things. If there are dead things, there might be fossil fuels.

5. The invasion will pay for itself through the sale of Mars' ample reserves of Mars Bars.

4. Mars is the front line in the war on imaginary, interplanetary terror (Mars Attacks! (1996), Clinton failed to respond).

3. As with Iraq, Halliburton pitched the invasion (see Salon.com).

2. Mars itself is an intermediate goal, the ultimate prize is the natural gas of Uranus.

1. As Condi said, "We don't want the smoking gun to be the earth shattering ka-boom of the Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator."

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Setting an example.

Remember Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, who just a few weeks ago said that "There is no job that is America's God-given right any more. We have to compete for jobs as a nation."?

And how do we compete for jobs as a nation? Carly's approach is to become the largest multinational information technology employer in India.. Guess we should have been more specific about which nation.

While American HP employees watch as tens of thousands of jobs head offshore, they can take some solace in knowing their fearless leader is doing ok... $3.4 million in salary, bonus and other compensation last year, plus "$170,000 in other compensation including payment for company-required personal use of HP aircraft and mortgage assistance."

Personal use of aircraft? Mortgage assistance?!!!. Sweet mother of God, the woman's getting a salary of $1,250,000 and she needs mortgage assistance??

Seems like I better start developing a taste for curry.

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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I'm up. I'm up.

I awoke at 2, an hour before I really wanted to. A 6:55 am flight from O'Hare, which means I need to hit the Red Line at 4 a.m.

I'm up an hour early because of ominous rumblings. Here's hoping the loperamide hydrochloride kicks in before I'm out of the apartment, otherwise the other passengers on the plane are going to have a morning they'll not soon forget.

On the bright side, the water temperature and pressure in the shower were nice and steady. Still, I'm looking forward to the shower back in Pittsburgh, where a ten minute hot shower is a relaxing interlude and not an adventure in dermal thermodynamics.

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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

I'll get you, my pretties....

Spooky Guy

...and your little delegates, too!

"Dean reminds me of the Hulk in that interim stage just before Bruce Banner turns green and starts to rip his clothes."
-Jonah Goldberg

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


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eat wisely


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