Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

Da Burg Annat

I Have Issues

Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

He knows if yinz is a jagoff

Please support KGB Report by making your purchases through our affiliate link:

dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL

no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!

KGB, CIA linked

The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week

Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


Hard to describe.

"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite

Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  34,051 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

Google Web

(July 2000 and earlier)

Friday, January 17, 2003


By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task totally overwhelm you.~Unknown

In an effort to get things back to normal after last week's illness and laptop crash, I've been systematically budgeting one-hour time slices in order to catch up with everything that I need to do.

This approach would be ideal if there were 32 hours in a day. Since there aren't, I've been falling behind a day every day this week.

About the only thing I've managed to keep current is the daily National Temperature Index. The other major accomplishment was the arrival and installation in my cube at the office of the Time Machine (click here and scroll down one article), which afforded me with the opportunity to invite co-workers into my cube to "watch my balls drop".

I'm planning on spending the weekend getting everything working. Check back on Monday.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Monday, January 13, 2003

Apologies to Connected; Curses to Microsoft

The Weekend Disaster which eventually resulted in the total reinstallation of Windows and a disk reformat could have been a lot worse.

Turns out I couldn't get into Connected's data centers via the net because of some arcane Windows configuration problem which screwed up various network settings.

The HTTP (web) thingie was working, but that was it. Mail, ftp, all other protocols were about as communicative as Dubya.

I looked up my problem on Microsoft's web site. The solution was to reinstall the operating system, which I did. The machine booted, displayed the Windows logo, then immediately went into irreversible black screen of death mode.

I eventually had to reinstall everything, and this is where Connected really came through. Once I was able to log on to the backup service, I transferred nearly 14,000 files (a little over two gigabytes) in about four hours. Another four hours reinstalling software from setup directories restored to the D: drive, an hour finding license keys, and the old laptop had about 90% of its functionality restored. No critical data was lost.

That was after the four hours I spent downloading and installing all the service packs and updates for the operating system, Internet Explorer and Microsoft Office. Thank God I have a broadband connection to the net. With a dial-up line it would have taken days to restore everything. It's enough to make you buy a herd of sheep and move to Montana. Wait... now I'm starting to think like Microsoft. Move to Montana first, then buy the sheep.

On the plus side, the machine runs much faster now. I've eliminated tons of dead directories and files that were hanging around from bad installs, and cut the number of running processes by about 30%, with a commensurate increase in free memory.

Truth be told, it's a good idea to reinstall Windows every year or so to clean out the gunk and correct the things that are out of whack.

Ah, wouldn't that be a great way to deal with things:

What's wrong, sir?

My computer is out of whack.

Lucky for you sir, we have a special on whack today. You can get a two-CD set of whack for only fifty bucks.

Yeah, but I'll bet you that fifty that the CD is copy-protected.

 Subscribe in a reader    [Home]     [Commentwear]     [Comment]    


Copyright © 1987-2015 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The e-mail address is now something other than saga. used to be until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up and adopting created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the domain name in 1993, and had since that time used as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that was no longer but rather which is longer than and more letters to type than and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than but actually just as functional as I sent e-mails from the address to just about everybody I knew who had used in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that no longer is the they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...


Crystal Methodist

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

I am a professional. Do not try this at home.

I canna change the laws of physics

As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Left wing liberal nut job

Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.

Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?

Nutrition makes me puke

Feral Geek

eat wisely

Dyslexics have more fnu!

It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable

get kgb krap!

KGB Shirt