Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


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Thursday, January 02, 2003

To Cluelessly Go Where Many Have Gone Before

I'm somewhat surprised that no one has made the connection between the half-baked Raelians and Star Trek. Indeed, I'm even more surprised the lawyers over at Paramount haven't sued this outfit into oblivion for bald-faced plagiarism.

Claude Vorilhon, a French journalist, says he was approached in 1973 by a flying saucer containing your standard ET-type aliens called Elohim, who had genetically engineered all life on earth and planted it here 25,000 years ago.

The Elohim also claimed Vorilhon's mother had been inpregnated by one of their ilk (proving that earth girls are easy), and that his real name was "Rael."

That this alien race remained undocumented all this time could be attributed to a mistranslation of Genesis: what some dolt interpreted as a being in heaven should have been read as beings from the stars.

Right about now the alarm bells should be going off for all original series Trekkers.

Rael is a character from the third season episode "Wink of an Eye"

The of idea extraterrestrials seeding the galaxy with humanoid life forms has been around for quite a while, but was also featured in another third season Star Trek epsiode, The Paradise Syndrome.

And the concept of a belief system based upon misinterpretation of a "sacred" script is straight from the second season episode The Omega Glory.

It's unfortunate that Claude wasn't a true Trekker. All of the Trek series and films have illustrated the dangers associated with eugenics, genetic engineering and the misapplication of technology.

Raelians believe immortality can be achieved by creating a clone of an individual and transplanting the person's brain into the clone.

This seems highly unlikely. Still, the Raelians can take some comfort from John Kenneth Galbraith, who observed that "If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error."

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Monday, December 30, 2002

As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

Still under the weather. I wonder if there's some deep psychological cause why I develop the creeping blorch whenever I come home to Pittsburgh.

Nah. Probably just Too Much of a Good Thing.

Speaking of which, if you work in one of those places that puts motivational posters on the walls to inspire you to Be The Best You Can Be, you must check out despair.com, a lovely island of sanity in the great sea of motivational blather.

And remember, there is no "i" in Team, but there's a "u" in Sucker.

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So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
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Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


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If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


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